Excess woooot

I decided to quit drinkin coffee. I think partly cause I drink wayyyyyy to much coffee and this doctor I saw awhile ago was like “Seriouslly, quit wit da fuckin coffee ya dumb lil cracka.” And partly to test my willpower. Cause I got a lotta vices, drinkin, smokin, touch o the drugs, chronic masturbation, deviant elaborate sexual 3 way fantasies involvin elderly couples I see at the Old Country Buffet. But fer real Im not quittin any of those, who we kiddin, so coffee was the easiest one.

So I went two days without coffee and then I decided to ask the one source I always ask when I have a moral question. The one source that will always put things in perspective for me. That girl with the dreads I know. So I was talkin to her about it yesterday and she said, “Why? Theres so much stuff in life that sucks, why quit one of things you enjoy.”

Wow….wow. Cosmic. No fuckin riddles with Sarah. I tried askin the other dietys first Buddha was all fuckin blah blah do you feel you should give up coffee? Thanks fer nothin fatty.

Let no man lay with a goat, said Jesus I don’t know what the fuck that even meant. Mohammed told me to kill the jews

And Hanuman used a talkin keyboard computer thing to say Hanuman banana want.

But yup, so as with a lot of religion, ya gotta read between the lines. And from what I took from my conversation with her, rather than abstain I should indulge. Smoke more, do more drugs, drink more, deviant sex acts more, all more. More of the good things and abstain from the bad things like speedin tickets. I should stop payin them cause I don’t enjoy payin them.

So stayin in the spirit of excess I got really drunk last night and then me heather and jeff decided to walk home from mikes cause we were like dude, its not that far. And guess what, dude! Its not if yer drivin. If yer walkin it is. So half way home Jeffs like lets take a break. So we lay down on the side of cedar ave and next thing we know the suns rose and theres oodles of traffic. We fell asleep in the grass next to rush hour traffic fer like two hours. The greatest thing was Jeff didn’t remember leavin last night so wakin up on the side of the road was a surprise. Im surprised no one thought we were dead. Good times.