Does this look like a rash?

If you EVER hear me say that urban sprawl and Marts are destroyin cities, just shoot me in the motherfuckin face. I moved. This town sucks.

Came up with a good idea. Sketch number two in my show where the basic premise is abusin Jeff. First sketch bein havin Jeff be drunk and dancin while the audience chants Dance Dance Dance and lobs twinkies at him.

So I just have Jeff roll around on the ground screamin while I spray him with a hose fer about five minutes. Then as the neighbors come over to ask what were doin sayin, “He LOVES this.”

Then when there like, Uhhh thats kinda weird. Pffff think thats weird check this out, Hey JEff, Jeff….Blue Moon.

And he just jumps up and starts screamin and runs full on through the glass of our front door. Then when he staggers out all bloodied turnin seriopus and bein like, Allright Id get outta here now….Im not kiddin get in yer car…DRIVE GO NOW!

On the next season of the Swan they should add a psychotic on death row who through a prison loophole got a plastic surgeons license.

“Dr. Edward James Balianca, how would you enhance Kelly’s beaut…”

“A THIRD EYE!!!! JUST ONE BIG FUCKING EYE!!! OH AND A HUNCHBACK AUGMENTATION!!!”

Enhance their beauty.

“Well…I do wanna look better and feel better about myself. Maybe I just need a makeover, maybe I dont even need plastic surgery.”

“Ya want me to help you without plastic surgery? Allright here, new medical breakthrough, its called a sheet, throw it over yer fuckin head, nobody wants to see that shit.”

Oh and speakin of abusin Jeff. Were sittin in the car, him in the front, me in the back. I think itd be a good idea to take this water bottle and shoot him in the face while Erin takes a picture. So Im like Hey Jeff! And sprayy him in the face…but the flash doesnt go off. So I panic and just keep sprayin hin him while he just keeps swearin. Good times.