Dance you fuckin puppet

We played a game last night where we filled up 18 shot glasses, 15 with water, 3 with vodka, everyone drinks at the same time, 3 people choke on the vile russian tonic. Then Jeff break danced…..broke dance….then Jeff broke dance. And did the robot.

Ahhhhhh drunk Jeff. Swear to god…..Swear right to GOD, when I get a tv show, like how Jimmy Kimmel has a different guest host every night, Jeffs gonna be mine every night. Sometimes hell be on the couch, sometimes hell be in the audience with a hidden camera hittin on some chick (HA oh yea that reminds me, remind me I have a story about that later) sometimes hell be on the street, sometimes Ill have him in an exhibition boxin match against the current heavy weight champion, and before the show tellin him “Now dont hold back, pretend yer fightin that guy Ive been readin about who raped yer girlfriend…..oh that was you…well I skimmed it, I skimmed the article. Regardles you fuckin puppet…” Thatll be my catch phrase.

Everyone will love the Jeff segment. Then hell outshine me. And some girl in the audience will scream woooo Jeff during my monologue. Ill scream MOTHERFUCKER! and hurl my coffee mug, WILLY NILLY!, into the crowd. Then blah blah stuffll happen, Ive lost my enthusiasm for this venture.

Oh right the thing I reminded you to ask me about. It seemed funnier when I thought about it before. I guess it is kinda funny but I kinda come off lookin like a dick so I dont know. We were sittin in this grocery store parkin lot at like 2 waitin fer Tony to come out, which by the way he just walked into the bathroom with a basket full of candy bars and gorged himself then left, so were all just sittin around and these chicks keep drivin by then they stop by us and look over and Im like whats up baby, walk over and start talkin to givin em my grace A hittin on material, whats yer name, yer pretty you should come over. And at the time it didnt seem like I was doin anythin wrong but Erin was like right there, so in retrospect I suppose it was pretty mean. And it was the first time she ever got mad at me, fer like a minute. So its like thats cool, super laid back (see Im still feelin her out) knows Im kiddin around, on the other hand…you have five fingers HA!, on the other hand I need boundries baby whats up. Still on the other hand, how can ya stay mad at me.

End Transmission.

“Well ok, now your kind of painting the picture…ok so I’m an asshole, but these people can come and go as the fucking please. I don’t ask people to hang out with me, I don’t like people, I’d rather be left alone.” GG Allin, funny funny man.

“What powers you ask? How about the power of flight? Does that do anything for ya, the power of fucking flying around? Thats levitation holmes. How about the power to move you since you’ve all been raised as robots since you were fourteen but don’t know it cause of the conspiracy! You’re all a bunch of fucking robots!”