Vague Ramblings

I have been away from here for a while because as strange as it may seem, I think there is some way that my darlling husband has been reading (or having someone read) my entries. That and the fact that life has a way of sneaking up my me and getting in my way. I miss the give and take, I also like very much the private feature that can be accessed if I really want to just be totally honest and don’t really want any one else to read.

So…what’s been happening. My oldest has started college and is LOVING it. He is running for student president of the freshman class. His wrist which he broke last fall is still giving him trouble and he cannot pick up his lacrosse stick. So, last Thursday, he was at the Orthopedic doctors, they are sending him for an MRI because the x-rays show nothing wrong, yet he has NO range of motion in his wrist. Interestingly enough I was at the same Orthopedics office in the AM with my daughter for her knee. She now has to wear a brace for her knee when she plays soccer and do strengthening exercises at home. If that doesn’t work, we will have to do physical therapy.

This summer has brought about a few health issues that for now seem to be under control. I had a pre-cancerous polyp removed from my colon in June, my PAP came back funny (first time ever) and I have to have it repeated in Oct, and they found a mass in my left breast and I had to have a breast biopsy done, turned out OK, but need to get it checked out in 6 months with a mammo and an ultra sound. Very emotionally draining to say the least. After the biopsy, I came home to find 2 dozen red roses for me on the table, from him. Yes, very, very nice, but in over 25 yrs he has never bought me roses and now he does. yes, again, I say, it looked very good to his friends when he told them what he had done…they ALL thought he was sooo wonderful. I think that if your going to do something nice, it should be done for that reason alone, not because it will win brownie points from people you have never met. Ya think?

Hubby and I have been the same, no better no worse. He booked a romantic getaway in 2 weeks to Niagra Falls. The room has floor to ceiling windows and overlooks the falls…Canada side. It is the junior Presidental Suite at the Embassy. There will be chilled champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and rose petals on bed. There is a voucher towards dinner for 2, and breakfast prepared in the room (I believe). Sounds nice , right? I guess. I should be excited, but there are things that are going on behind the scenes that gives me reason to be cautious at the very least. I can’t change him, I’ve learned, I can only change my reactions…….and I am working very hard on that. People have noticed a change in me, I seem more at ease and at peace. That I believe is my determination to not let him GET to me, like he used to. I do feel happier and more at home in ME. I’m beginning to like and accept who I am and no longer will BE who someone else wants or expects me to be. Funny  thing is, the more independent I’m becoming the more he seems to want me, in all aspects. And to be honest, in a way it amuses me. I no longer even get upset with his internet “friends”. I don’t know if I just don’t care anymore or that I’ve learned to live with it. And both scare me in a way. If I no care, then our marriage is truly dead, if I’ve learned to live with it, what lesson am I showing the children. Either way, it’s not the best of situations, but right now…..it is what it is.

Blessed be all, will write again.