My Wedding Anniversary…….. 7/10

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. To me it could have been just another day in paradise, (yes, I am being QUITE sarcastic}  I made dinner as I did on my birthday and as I did on Mother’s day for that matter, yes petty I know…We did go food shopping together annd that was oh so much fun……watching him race uo and down the aisles in order to……. get somewhere? Not really sure why he felt the need to power walk around the store, I guess he was haivng  withdrawals from either the couch or the computer.  I know I am being mean and I know that for whatever reason he may have in his head, he is trying t be nice to me. I also know that it is all probable due to the fact that I told him the other day that  I want him to go to counseling alone to try to figure out why he needs to get online and become so intimately involved with all the woman he gets involved with. The other reason, which I’m not supposed to KNOW about (but of course I found out about), is that his latest little "special friend, on the side", and him had a fight and she said, interestingly enough just about everything I had said, that he needed to figure out what his priorities were and where he wanted to be. She was also so mad, she said she didn’t want to see or hear from him. Of course that lasted maybe a few hours before they were professing their love for each other. For our anniversary, we are going to see Mamma Mia on Broadway on Wednesday, we are taking our daughter which is good, as I don’t know how long I can pretend to be so happy with him. He really thinks that if I would just spend time with him as he watches TV all night, talk about his day and cater to his every whim, that we would not h ave any problems. Nothing I say can mmake him see the bigger picture. Years ago, I heard that same thing, he turned to others because I was TOO BUSY with the kids, I never had time for him (with 4 kids who has time for ANYTHING), I wanted to read instead of watching TV in the dark with him, I wouldn’t try new things in bed to keep him excited, I hd some outside activites with friends and he had to stay home (like he couldn’t go out???). The list goes on and on and it was all my fault. AND I bought it. I really did. So I stoppped reading, stopped playing volleyball and jst sat ans watched him watch TV and then fall asleep in front of it……..for what? Did it change anything? Of course not. I WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. He is and was and can’t see it. When he couldn’t sleep at night and got up at night and got online that was he trolled the halls of AOL and found new friends. Of course I was wrong for not jumping out of bed when he would wake me at 1 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning……..Yeah right……..I think NOT! And so the cycle contiues……he says it’s all my fault and now I just don;t give a damn. I say give up the interent "friendships" and he says no, they are my friends, If you want me to do that then you have to give up your book club friends, and the neighbors on the street that I’ve known for 18 years, I say, it’s not the ssame thing…………I’m not intimately involved with them, he says, I’m not giving up my friends…..so whatever. There is more, but I don;t want to get into it too much. sufficie it to say, I would be a very happy camper if HE decided to leave, I would be thrilled. But for now I bide  my time. When my daughter is out of HS (5 yrs), I am gone. far away to a warmer climate, which by the way pissed him off when he finally heard me say that (not that I haven’t said it before, over and over again, how I hate the cold weather) and he got mad at me for that. Too damn bad. By then I should be established in the medical coding field and able to support myself. Of course, being laid off right now doesn;t help me at the moment. But I was approved for unemployment and will spend this time off studying to take my test so I can become a CCS certified coding specialist, then I can hopefully make good money anywhere I go…..

On another note, you may recall that last fall my friend stopped talking to me for what he perceived to be a betrayal. well, we have been talking again and have been since the first of the year. He is still someone VERY special to me and I want nothing more than his happiness. We talk on the phone on occasion and email even less. We have met 2 or 3 times and each time it is less uncomfortable. He did say recently that he was so very comfortable with me, which totally made my day. Will anything come of our friendship? Who knows, buut for now we are in the process of becoming very good friends, and I like that……iI like it alot………..

Oh yeah, and also for our anniversary, we are going to spend the night in Atlantic City next week, just to spend quality time together……gag me…… (sorry, I know that was REALLY mean)

*****EDIT*****

Forgot to mention it was my 23rd anniversary, Who would have thunk it?????????