Moral Dilemma

Here’s a question for all of you to think about and then respnd to:

What would you do, if someone asked you to promise NOT to repeat what they are going to tell you, and ask for YOUR WORD on it?

Now, this person is someone you have known for years and respect.

This happened to me, I was asked to give my word (and I am very big on keeping my word once I give it, and this person would know that about me…we have known each other over 20 yrs.). So when I was asked for my word not to reveal what I was going to be told, I gave it w/o hesitating. Now once the “secret” was revealed, I was thoroughly disgusted with this person and my opinion of this person changed drastically. I lost all respect for this person and DO NOT like them at all. What wsa revealed affects another person (spouse of the person revealing the secret) as well and I believe that person should know the truth, BUT I gave my word. Things have gotten worse in this couple’s marraige and to reveal it (the secret) would only put a further wedge between the two which will probable make any attempts at saving the marriage a joke and next to impossible and there are 2 young children to think about. Yet as much as I want to reveal the secret I can’t because of MY WORD. Yet I also feel in a way that I am betraying the friendship I have with the spouse who is in the dark. I feel guilty and feel like I am hhurting this person, yes I know I’m not…not really. But in a way isn’t the fact that I have knowledge of the secret the same thing as hurting this person?

So..what do I do…keep MY WORD or tell all?

Thoughts/comments?

this is a difficult situation. things aren’t always black and white. sometimes one must break their word if someone is in danger or will possibly be hurt in a drastic way. if this is not the case, i would keep the secret as you gave your word. only you can make this decision. i wish you the best. *hugs*

offmychest

March 30, 2005

Something I always believed in and still do is what Ann Landers used to say MYOB which stands for Mind Your Own Business. Unless someone is in danger of being hurt or killed if you do not say something I would NOT interfere. Many times you get caught in the middle of an ugly battle and it is not pretty.Best to let them work out their problems on their own.And you learned something about giving…

your WORD and that is don’t do it until after you hear what they want to tell you. Say I can’t give my word unless I know what it is first. That way they will end up NOT telling you which is much better for you, not to be involved in the first place.

Imho, you should keep your word. Think of yourself as a confessional, which is what your friend asked you to be. Also, imho, it’s not up to you to judge this person or decide what her spouse should know. Perhaps she will think better of what she’s doing, stop, recommit to her marriage & they will be able to work things out. Your telling the spouse would block that possibility. If it’s fated that

Cassandra

March 31, 2005

the spouse should know, then the Universe will make sure the spouse finds out. Imho, it would be better if it wasn’t through you. And you did give your word, & by your own admission, your friend would know that you keep your word. I’ll be she counted on that. Whether or not you condone what she’s doing, your word was given, unconditionally. Stick with that. Imho.

LOL @ the dueling brothers. I still wonder what that was all about? RYN: I used to be a size 10 a few years ago. Would love to see that again. I am back to a size 16 and very disgusted. Hopefully the walking and less eating will do it for me. I think it is great that you have been taking care of yourself finally! Good going!

For one thing: you were terribly manipulated. But I think that you have been given good advice. Still, if you still consider yourself a friend of ‘that’ person, and will be talking to him or her in the future, I would say something like, “What you have done is wrong. And ought to tell your spouse the truth.” If it is a behavior that was done in the past, sometimes it’s best to let it go. It is a..

terrible burden that was given to you. But I don’t know if I would say: knowledge of the secret is the same thing as hurting this person; because the ‘matter’ doesn’t directly affect you. You shouldn’t be living a guilt-trip, because of some terribly insensitive person. I would recommend just praying, especially for that spouse you don’t want to hurt. Hugs! Bri

Witch

April 5, 2005

I always keep in mind that when it comes to other people’s marriage, it’s best not to mess with it. Believe me… if you told, in the long run you will probably be viewed as a trouble maker. It never fails… no matter how good your intentions are, there will more than likely be a backlash. Kind of like “no good deed goes unpunished” . 🙁

You are in a tough situation… it’s understandable to feel pulled and not knowing what to do. Best thing, maybe, is to detach from the whole situation… 🙁 ryn: thank you, kindly! 🙂