Mish Mash

It’s been a while since I have written, not because nothing has been going on, just because  I’m tired and cranky and in no mood for, well, anything.

Someone who I though was a very good friend has shut me out of his life completely. Reads my e-mails but never responds to them. Yes, he said he was extremely busy and gets very pre-occupied and aloof with everyone when he is this busy, BUT…to NEVER have time to even say hello, or just to let me know he’s OK? I write and tell him I passed my certification test for coding and billing, so excited and happy and he is the first person I tell, and no response, not even a one line e-mail saying Congrats. SO that has me ummed big time.

Hubs is constantly on my back about everything. When will I get a job, have I looked, have I applied anywhere, what are my plans, etc. Yes to all the above, but not good enough. Then he turns around and won’t leave me alone about US. He LOVES me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me, can’t imagine his life without me, Yet, the other women friends are still in the picture. the phone calls to t hem continues. i no longer know or even care if he continues to meet them, but I suspect he does. I wish he would just go and leave, there would be so much less tension in the house, so much less fighting………..or maybe not.

I threw a hissy fit to end all hissy fits 2 weeks ago. Went totally ballistic on my son Michael. We found pot and 2 bottles of hard liquor in his room. This is the kid who went through so much this past summer and he still doesn’t get how precious life is. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life, college or Marines? he doesn’t know. take the SAT’s, doesn’t know……he will graduate in June, he turns 18 in Feb. He is so damn smart, gets A’s and B’s w/o opening a book and can’t be bothered to even try and figure out what he MAY want to do. His eyes are getting worse, yet he won’t do the exercises that will help him…they’re stupid, according to him. I fel lilke i am hitting my head against a brick wall, he doesn;t hear what we say. I told him I was done fighting for him, I was tired and Lost and had no idea what to do or say to reach him…..he didn;t care. He has this kid whom he hates and who hates him too. I told him he was outting us all at risk by having the drugs and alcohol in the house…all this kid has to do is call the police, say he got drugs from our son and BAMM..the police are here with a search warrant. He doesn’t get it !  I also told him that for a year now, the doctors haven’t been able to control my blood pressure and recently put me on medication, yes, I told him that all the stress he’s brought about played a major role in this, still no reaction. I am lost on what do to. I also told him that if I had the money, he would be in military school the next day…his reaction, to tell his older brother that we hate him and want him out of the house. Not said, but that was all he got out of it.

Speaking of older son…………he was arrested and taken out of his drom in handcuffs with about 10 others. There was alcohol in his drom and undercover cops came in and arrested them all.  His fine was 235.00 which he doesn’t  have, so we had to pay. The day he went to court, he parked illegally and got mad at the ____________cops who had his (our) van towed. So that was another 200.00 he didn’t have. he was suspended from the lacrosse team for the season, and can’t even practice with them. Then he informs us that he is dropping a class and will be down to 13 credits this semester. So, why am I spending 1600.00 a month to let him live on campus when he CAN commute for 13 credits. We finally told him to take out student loans as he just doesn’t seem to appreciate the sacrifice we make to pay his tuition every month. Money we don’t really have. Yes, we have every intention of paying it (or helping him pay) when he graduates, but it may not even be necessary. If he teaches in an inner city, and stays there for 5 years, 20% of his loan will be forgiven every year. So it actually PAYS to take out a loan. He is such a good kid with a heart of gold, but NO common sense. he is constantly over drawing on his checking. but thinks that as long as he has over draft protection, it’s all good. NOT. He doesn;t get that every time they (credit card) advances him 100.00, the interst is killing him. But he continues to do it. SIgh

Finally I did something I have NEVER done before. My mother called and caught me in a bad moment and it was like diarrhea of my mouth…..it ALL came out. Next day, one of my sisters calls and says Mom is worried about you. Next thing I now, my mom is planning on coming up from Florida for Thanksgiving, staying until Monday, then going home. On Sat, she wants to take us (siblings and spouses) out to dinner. I think part of the reason is me. SO now I feel guilty.

And now, I have to start dinner.