Looking for Solace

I am so damn tired of all the fighting and anger that surounds my house. No matter what is going on, it HAS to come down to an argument. No matter how well things are going, at some point there WILL BE a fight. I am so sick and  tired of it all. Sick to death of being accused of taking sides and not creating a united front, especially when there really were no sides being taken, just a opinion. So in essence, I am NOT allowed an opinion that differs from his, unless of course I am LOOKING for trouble, which is what I guess I did last night. Child number 2 rec’d a phone call from his job, he wasn’t home, so G. took a message. For the next hour or so we had to hear yelling about it, where was he, when was he coming home, who was he with, he had to call the job back, etc. Now in all honesty, he should have left a number, we should know that he left where he was and had gone somewhere else.. So, after a few hours of this, the older one came home and was able to get in touch with the  the kids house where he was originally, but he had moved on with other friends. BUT, older son WAS working on finding him and was actually on the phone with the kid whose house he was now at, when the yelling began in earnest. Well, older son got disconnected and then commented that the job had just called (he didn’t know about the first call the job had made), which REALLY set things off. So I say, “why don’t we just say he WILL be there nad tell child number 2 when he gets home that he is working.” Wrong thing to say ( and not really sure even now why I was wrong), he screamed and yelled for about 2 minutes at me for that. When he wsa done, I calmly looked at him and said, “what did I do to deserve that?” Which started him yelling that I was taking sides and the kids were inconsiderate, they should leave number, etc., Again, I said and why does that mean you can treat me with such disrepect What does one have to do with the other? I never said they shouldn’t leave numbers and check in periodically, I just asked why I was being yelled at. This continued for about 10 more minutes, when I finally had enough and went upstairs. Then he went off because he couldn’t find the cordless phone and blamed Brit, who never had it, but did find it on the dresser of child #3. By this time, she’s in tears older son is storming out , and I feel sick to my stomach. And he’s STILL yelling. But not at the child who left the phone in his room, but at Brit, older son and me. At this point I left with Brit to bring her to a friends for a sleep over and to be honest on the way home..I just wished I could go somewhere else, anywhere but to the house. I was physically sick at the thought of coming back home. When I got home I tried yet again to explain that I wasn’t taking sides with anyone, just taking exception at being YELLED at for no reason. I asked him if he would treat her with this much anger and disrespect, and of course he wouldn’t. I totally agreed that the kids need to tell us who they were with, where and all phone numbers need to be written down, so I wasreally agreeing with him, just didn’t know why he screamed at me. The kids even asked me later…”what did you do that was so wrong?” and I had no clue, still don’t. And he wonders why the doctors are looking at the possibilty of me having an ulcer, and he can’t figure out where or why I would have one,…..go figure. Because I sure as heck can’t figure it out, but am tired of trying to.