why won’t you talk to me? #2

(that was when i felt ill and had gone upstairs to lie down!)… oh we were just talking about u, hahahaha

in the end tom told him he’d upset me, he said nothing to me and wouldnt even look at me, i was seriously upset, more crying, etc etc… afterwards i confronted him about it (via txt msg, obviously we couldnt talk face to face) and in the end nothing was really resolved, he was weird with me cuz he thought i was avoiding him apparently and he apologised (only cuz i confronted him) and in the end we just forgot about it, but i wanted to discuss it and i never got the chance, i never do get the chance because all my friends r so fucking repressed they can never talk about anything meaningful

so we made up but hes still weird with me, i dnt even kno why any more, and ive pretty much given up, i tried so hard to get close to him and he wouldnt let me at all, so whats the point in even trying?

as for sophie, she’d pissed me off before bitching about me, her and james seem to be having real problems and altho i made it obvious i was trying to get her to talk about it (so it must be really gd to see james again?), she didnt say anything, shes basically been treating him like shit, also she feels me up all the time, what? we can fuck but u cant talk to me about anything? shes also really fucking arrogant, we went to pub quizes amd she just thinks she knows everything and mocks other ppl if they dnt

i also fell out with fee, after making a major effort with her (i wrote her a fucking letter telling her how wonderful she is), she didnt invite me to do something or other, everyone else got a txt msg, i didnt, i was going to forget it but she then sent me a msg saying sorry for not inviting me but she had zero credit and shed tried to ring me but didnt get an answer… ok how did she txt everyone else with zero credit? and i kno she only rang me after tom told her i was upset i didnt get invited. the msg just made it worse (just like my birthday – i could have coped with her forgetting but her forgetting and then pretending she hadnt really pissed me off). so we fell out for a bit, im still not really interested now

so im pretty much sick of everyone, i feel like it makes no difference whether im there or not and i feel very excluded from the group (fee not inviting me is just one example of me being made to feel like that), one thing that everyone does that annoys me is txt tom and tell him to invite me, like im not a person in my own right, like im some kind of pet hes being allowed to bring along, apparently its to save credit and yeh i could buy that if just occassionally i got the txt instead of tom. i dnt think that has ever happened

there r still ppl i like, i love westy (the one person it didnt feel awkward and fake with when we said gdbye), i love ben and rob and guy, and james, all those ppl r so honest and open, thats why i like them, noone else is like that, theyre all fucking repressed hypocrits, and they take it out on me cuz im open, fuck them, its not healthy to be so closed, i also really like luke, he really is himself and he doesnt seem to give a shit what anyone else thinks about him, he really is his own person

but yeah, everyone else, im glad to leave

as you can see, i remember and analyse everything, particularly the bad stuff