lonely

i feel so alone

i dnt kno what to do

ppl check on me, ask me if im ok, its sweet, but all i can say is yes

i cant tell them the truth

that no, im not ok, i feel like im slowly sinking, like everything’s falling apart around me and i just dnt kno what to do about it

mistakes i made over 3 years ago dominate our relationship

he wnt spk to me about anything or express any emotion because of it

and yet he says he’s forgiven me

i kno he hasnt

he might not kno it, but i do

i kno he doesnt trust me

and it makes me wonder how he can love me

if its all just a lie

i rely on him too much

he says he relies on me too but its not the same, not true, he doesnt need me the way i need him

i just want someone to look after me

im scared

hes all i have

without him…theres noone else…

and im scared that thats all this will become

that im just here because there’s nowhere else to be, noone else to be with

its not like that at the moment

i love him

but i feel so alone and all i have is him and these feelings are getting bigger and bigger

and it scares me so much

i want things bak the way they were

i want us to make each other happy

i try

i really tried hard

i just dnt kno what to do

i feel like he’s let me down

again

and i cant say anything

because its all my fault, it all comes bak to me fucking up, and nothing he does can ever be as bad as what i did

im tired of crying

i feel so alone, and empty, and numb