better

well, this week’s been pretty gd overall. went out on wednesday night, we did get tickets, hurray, but we got there about 20 to 10 and they didnt open the doors til 10 so we froze for ages, it was very very cold, and i wasnt wearing very much (slapper)

anyway, that night was gd, lots of fun and cheese.

then on thursday i went to revs, that was ok, bit of a disappointment really, it was just too busy, u could hardly move and couldnt dance or ne thing, too hot, etc.

we went to pause bar first and that was reeeally nice, really a very nice place

but overall, the night wasnt that great (and i went out without tom and again got hassle about andy, but more about that later…)

then on friday night it was beaumont ball, that was lots and lots of fun

i was rather drunk (had at least 4 drinks, and i didnt have a hangover the next day, wooh! go me!)

it was a gangster theme so i was wearing long black gloves and pearls, and i wore my new shoes and i survived the whole night in them, including walking and dancing, yay, although admittedly i couldnt walk afterwards

god, im boring myself

wasnt very impressed with gup tho, he tends to get aggressive when he’s drunk and usually i would defend him, because everyone else thinks hes just being a twat, but it always seems that he gets aggressive when hes upset and its just that he cant deal with the emotion, admittedly thats not great, but better than just being a nob

but on friday he did just seem to be being a nob

someone took his hat n he was going mental about it, george found it and i saw him go past with it but gup didnt kno so i went to tell him, when i went up to him he was starting on this bloke who looked terrified and very confused and was saying ‘no, its my hat!’

i wasnt very impressed

also, tom talked to me about how he feels about me going out with andy n stuff, that made me sad

im glad he talked to me about it (at last) but im still very confused

he says that a lot of it is just mike n matt winding him up, but i dnt think it can be just that, he said that on thursday night mike n matt were winding him up while i was gone, but even before i left he said to me ‘make sure andy doesnt rape u’, so it cant have been just that

it upsets me too, like when i got bak on thursday the first thing mike said to me was ‘hello…did andy rape u?’

i wish they wouldnt, they dnt understand, it really upsets me and it makes tom all possessive, which he hates and isnt much fun for me either

i wish i could talk to them about it but i think they’d just laugh at me, but i want to make them understand how important it is, how much of an issue trust is for us

im still confused tho, it feels like tom acts so different about me n andy than if it was any other guy, and i just wish there were definite rules, if there were rules i could follow then that’d be fine, like tom said it upset him that i had a picture of me n andy on my msn, thats fine, i wont put it up again, but the rules seem to change

like with most guys its fine, i can do what i want (within reason obviously), but with andy its like it would be a lot better if i didnt go anywhere near him, if i just stopped talking to him, it makes me feel like im cheating on tom just by looking at him, and i hate it

i dnt understand why it is so different, like i told tom i danced with gup at zanzibar and he said ‘u danced with gup??’ and then never mentioned it again, but with andy he brings it up over and over again

and at the ball i had my picture taken with loads of different guys, with gup, with raj, with mike, and thats fine, even when mike puts his arm around me and says ‘i love her tom’, thats no problem, but i felt like i couldnt even have my picture taken with andy, i avoided it all night

it makes me sad that i have to do that, it makes me sad that if i go out without tom i have to report bak to him afterwards, on thursday i had to tell him that andy held my hand so we wouldnt lose each other at revs, it sucks

i dnt kno, i dnt kno what i want, i just want tom to trust me, he says he does but a lot of the time he doesnt act like he does, i wish he’d just tell me what he wants, if he wants me never to go out without him, i’d do that, i just want to kno what the rules are, what im meant to do

gah, i dnt kno

ne way, last night was my ball, we went as cowboys, i love my boyfriend, he went to my ball wearing a pink glittery cowboy hat just so i wouldnt be the only one dressing up

it was alright, pretty boring, but spent lots of time with clair and andrew who are both lovely

in an unrelated topic, george is the strangest person ive ever met in my life, hes this really tall skinny black guy and hes soooo black hes like a parody of himself, hes like ali g, like the clothes, the bling, the way he talks, acts, its soo strange. he talks about women aaaall the time, we were sat in pause and he was going ‘i like biiig women, i like big titties, and big asses…’ and i was just like well… ok… thats lovely, well done, but why the hell are u telling us that?? he sat next to me on the bus and he said to me (exact words) ‘do u think im pretty?’

what a strange guy

this entry’s shit, sorry

can’t u feel the music pumping hard like i wish u would?