Living -no one knows I…

Edit: This was actually inspired by the theme of the week, “No one knows I…” *er, um, Nobody. Sorry.

…read all the webmd and any other medical articles, looking for ways to be healthy, happy, live longer, and a desire to WANT to live longer. Even I don’t know why I obsess over it. Except that their method of roping me in to reading their articles always works.

The things that are supposed to shorten my lifespan are long. Early life abuses and traumas, bipolar II, being 160 lbs at 5’7″, and having gone up and down in an unhealthy manner for years, having had only boy children (2 of them,) drinking coffee (although this changes depending on what studies are looking at,) eating meat, sometimes drinking more than a healthy dose of alcohol, being a night owl, working nights, being a chronic insomniac all my life, migraines… there are other things I read about sometimes, too, but they’re not coming to mind. I laugh at these things. Why do we spend so much time looking at this stuff? Probably because we want to control things that are out of our control. Especially when it comes to our lifespans.

In 2 months, I will have outlived my mother. My father only had 9 more years than she had. I’ll probably outlive him, too.

If we continue to improve technology, food, and health care, just to spite the “I got mine, screw you” crowd, I could live longer than my grandma, who made it to 86 – and I think she was just about to turn 87. I am apparently a lot like her, though I’m taller and have a bigger structure, physically, than she did. More like the grandfather I didn’t know, since he left her and I think he died when I was 2. Mentally, I’m a lot like my dad, too, so I have that stubborn streak, as well. No matter how badly my brain beats me up, I can’t end my life. No matter how much that would relieve the assholes I know in life, I can’t do it. So, all this research that keeps getting posted just sounds like capitalists trying to make money off of our fear, to me. I ignore it.