somehow other

i don’t…really know how to come back to this. it’s been such a long time, part of me started wondering if maybe i’d grown out of it, my adolescent opendiary skin, but after the way i was opened up tonight, i think i’ve decided i was wrong. i’ve followed a particular diarist on here for…i don’t know, probably fiver or six years to be honest, and as she shared a new part of the story of her life, i felt part of me break right along with her words. i think it’s been a long time since i’ve really had or seen anything substantially human happen. a crucial moment of profound pain or beauty, a moment where empires fall and virtue is exalted in all the different facets of the moment.

the last real, searing incident was seeing my husband watch his mother die, two years ago.

it seems so strange the qualifications life events have to achieve to become truly profound. the event which happened to this lovely diarist happens to friends, family and coworkers around me all the time, but none of them strike this kind of chord. people’s parents die all around the world, but even the siblings of my husband didn’t shine as he did. little miracles happen inside of strong people when opportunities present themselves. i think the most i can really hope for is that, when the times come for me, i too have the posture to stand.

i feel i have regained some of my own perspective. the self-pity that ensues with normalcy, routine, and being provoked by boredom to get lost in my self-examinations are quieted.

if the diarist reads this, know that you are a real inspiration. i know i’m not the only one who’s heart you’ve touched, and i would really love to see you published and flung into all the borders, barnes & nobles, and mom-and-pop bookshop across the world so more can hear you. though something beautiful in your life has ended, you stand more beautiful than ever and i look forward to reading more of your work. thank you for sharing, than you for your honesty, and for making me, another anonymous reader somewhere across land and waters from you, not feel like a voyeur as i learn real life lessons from your writing. (truly this opendiary thing is sort of amazing, isn’t it? like reality tv, only…actually real and even beneficial!)

i’m going to start another place, here. i have all sorts of new things that i need to explore under this married skin, so i’ll let you few readers of mine know once that is set up. i love you all.