Not moving

Tonight, for some fun and cheap distraction, I went to Barnes & Noble to browse.  I spent at least an hour in the music section, and seriously considered buying the BBC production of "The Little Prince".  But I didn’t.

Later I shuffled on over to the Gay & Lesbian section.  Mind you, in the past, I’ve been shy to spend much time there.  Rack it up to internalized homophobia/self-loathing/blah blah.  Today, as I stood there perusing something I can’t even remember now, two women entered the aisle chatting as they browsed.  My instinct was to casually reshelve the book I was (no longer) skimming and walk away as if I wasn’t the least bit ruffled by someone catching me looking at queer books. 

Instead, I resolved not to move.  I decided that I needed to claim my pride and not give in to feelings of fear.  What right did they have to judge me?  What did I care if they decided that I was gay based on my reading selection? 

So I stayed put, picked up a few more books and skimmed them as they continued to chat away, each looking right at me as they walked by.  Their expressions didn’t give away their thoughts, but nobody stares at you in the face as they pass by you in a bookstore.  One commented as she passed, "don’t need anything in that section."  Which tells me she probably did.

After that I decided to go to the cafe for a Grande Decaf Vanilla Latte.  The barista who took my order was ignored by the other barista she gave the order to, and so she had to make it.  We chuckled together about her coworker ignoring her.  Her name was Rebecca, very attractive, and I’m sure a straight man would have hung around a bit to try to chat her up.  Sorry Rebecca, but it just wouldn’t work between us.  Just ask those two ladies over there.