Mall rat

I’m a mall rat.  Or at least I was today.  It’s really hot today, again.  So I went to the mall to get some air conditioned comfortin’.  While I was there, two different people in two different stores farted in my general direction.  One of them was an older woman who probably couldn’t help it.  The other person probably could have squeezed and held it in. 

I saw a very attractive security guard who was giving off a very strong homo-signal.  I wanted to do something semi-illegal just to see if I could get a strip search.  He was Asian.  I’m into the Asians.  My first Asian interest was a girl in seventh grade.  It’s all her fault.  Not sure how that managed to stay with me during the transition to gay, but who cares!

I saw a kid in Barnes & Noble wearing some Old Navy pants with the tags still on ’em.  What with all the security technology these days, I would’ve thought it impossible to slip outta there with something like pants.

I saw a man walk out of the Barnes & Noble restroom with a library book under his arm.  This brings up many thoughts.  Number one, you shouldn’t read on the stool.  It contributes to hemmorhoids.  Number two, a library book in Barnes & Noble?  Number three, taking ANY book into the public restroom of a store in the mall?

So I’m a mall rat.  I don’t care.  Really, I don’t.  Really!