Courage
RIght now I am controlled by fear. I’m downright afraid of a number of things surrounding the trek toward priesthood. Here’s a list:
- Surviving seminary
- Condemnation based on my sexual orientation
- My track record of doing half-assed work
- Weak spiritual life
- Low tolerance for those with different political agendas
- Toxic parishioners
- No jobs in a denomination in a downward spiral
- Social isolation
- Partner prospects as a cleric
So that’s enough for a start. I suspect that if I move forward in the ordination process, some of these fears will not be removed. The first one, for example. Some uncertainty, if I believe anything I preached this morning, is right and good. Some is normal. But some of these have to be dealt with before I can ask to move forward with any integrity; the third one, for example. I probably should make a list of perceived rewards of priesthood, just so I have something for inspiration. Let’s see what I can come up with:
- A chance to change lives for the better
- A deeper relationship with God
- A sense that God’s will is being done in my life
Those are big things, but I wonder if they’re enough?