Towns named after Produce and Festive Occasions

I’m in a town called Appleton for a wedding.

The wedding was today.  I married off another close friend.  For a long time, I found weddings kind of depressing, in a sort of selfish kind of way.  I don’t think I’ve ever taken a date to a wedding, and I obviously haven’t been to my own.  So if I spend too much time thinking by myself, I get pretty low in some aspects at weddings. 

I was an usher at today’s festivities.  They went smoothly, and unless I miss my guess, my friend Jon is safely tucked in now with his new wife.  And I’m happy for them.  Jon is one of the best guys I know, and he found a sweetheart of a girl.  It’s the kind of thing that would make a guy want to find a sweet girl for himself and follow suit, but of course, we must be careful about how much we think of that–it’s not good for me to go there at this point, or any point.  Up to this point, it’s not been something I’ve been allowed to have.  There were points this past year at school where I really felt like I needed somebody.  It was excruciatingly painful.  It was tough.  And I got through it just fine, thank God.

Having some of the brothers around was helpful.  I’m rooming with my main man AMDiscJockey, and he’s snoring to beat the band behind us right now in our hotel room.  We went out for a while tonight, and I had enough presence of mind to not drink too much, so he could hand me his keys, and I could make sure everyone got home safely.  Again, we made it just fine.  (Now if I can get to sleep over the snoring, I’ll be money…)

I’ve had a couple of days to think about some stuff with some distance and radio silence, and I confess to you all, it’s been a strange, odd and uncomfortable couple of days.  I did a lot of thinking in the car on the ride up here, and since then, I didn’t think about things too much until the ceremony today.  After ushering everyone in, I was sitting in the back of the church, watching stuff go down, and my friend Jon, the groom, wept as he went through the ceremony.  Jon isn’t given to visual emotions like that.  As I sat there watching it, I realized that I opened up that portion of myself again this past semester.  It’d been closed for a long time, and I’d never really gotten close to opening it.

I believe that all people are born with two deficiencies they can never fill on their own.  The first deficiency is that of the God-vacuum, that is, a place in their life that only an experience with God can fill.  People fill that whole a variety of ways.  The second deficiency is a void that is only fillable by another human being.  That second void was the one I was made aware of again this afternoon.  I had my hand stretched out over the back of the seat next to me, and after a while, I realized that there was no one there, and then BOOM!, it hit me.  Up to this point, there hasn’t been anyone who I was interested in who has even seemed interested in filling that void in my life.  There have been plenty of people interested in me filling their void, but none the other way around.  I’m not afraid to invest.  I’m only afraid that if I do, it will be a one-way transaction.  I thought a lot about it today.

At the reception, it got a bit more pronouced, as I sat there watching my friends do this, that, and the other thing throughout the night.  At one point, I called my brother, just because I needed to hear a friendly voice on the outside.  I’m sure he thought I was nuts for calling him, but I guess that’s just the way it goes. 

I can’t shake the feeling I’m about to get swatted off my mountain by a 2×4.  Stupid pessimism.  Ah well, such as it is, it is. I’m going to bed.  I’m too tired to say anymore.  Peace, my babies!