Frustrations

Alright.  It’s time to blow off some steam.  Here are some things frustrating me right now, in no particular order.

I still suck again.  This cannot and will not be argued.

One of these days, I keep thinking I’m going to figure it out and get off my butt and go out and do something.  Yet somehow, strangely, I still feel paralyzed.  And it’s really, really, REALLY ticking me off.  It’s not like I don’t have the motivation anymore.

I’m 25.  That frustrates me.

I’m really tired of people assuming they know me because they see something I’ve typed, or because of a relationship they’ve had with me, or because they know my family history, or…and the list goes on.  Please, unless you’ve taken the time to be involved in my life and talk to me recently, do not wax philosophical about my problems.  I am intimately acquainted with them.  They are not the problems I had even last year at this time.  I am not saying this to be harsh, I’m saying it as a way of precaution.  If I get much more stressed out, it is this type of thing that will really earn my ire, and I’m likely to freak out.

I’m frustrated that I don’t know what I’m going to be doing next year.  At this point, there is nothing I can do about that, and I’m learning how to live and function in that uncertainty, surprisingly enough.  For those of you that have been praying, I thank you.

I’m frustrated that I’m not communicating as clearly as I am accustomed to.  I am a communicator by nature and by trade, and when I feel like I’m failing in such a fundamental part of myself, my stress level goes up, as you might guess.

I’m frustrated that even when I stop thinking about the things that are frustrating me, I still feel frustrated, for reasons I’m not quite sure of. (Though I’m starting to formulate some guesses.)

I’m frustrated that there are seemingly few people who trust me enough to make my own decisions about the circumstances and callings of God in my life that they see the need to expound at length on things “they think I need to consider.”  Good grief, people!  Do you not know who you’re talking to?  Do you really think it’s possible I’ve even missed a single “what-if?”  Give it a rest!  And while you’re doing that, it will help me to.

I’m frustrated that there are so few unbiased people in my life, who will just let me vent.  And now, if everyone suddenly starts patronizing me, I WILL ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY FREAK OUT.

*ahem*

I’m frustrated that it took me 31 seconds to think of the word “patronizing” in the last little rant.

I’m frustrated that I happen to get sick now, for the first time in about a year.  It couldn’t have come at a worse time, if you asked me.  Even being sick during exams would be better than this.  Yes, I am completely serious.  Who knows, I might get my wish! (sarcasm intended.)

I’m frustrated that I actually took all the time to write this down.

I think I just puked in my mouth.

I’m going to bed.