Cracking.

…so then I handed the pipe to my friend Bones, and he took this huge hit off of it and we all laughed.  He had no idea what he was in for.

That was four random seconds with Nick.  Thank you.

Mood:  Peaceful.

Music: Most of the Time, by Bob Dylan.

I spent last week trying to frantically catch up from all the work that had to be done.  I didn’t succeed in catching up.  Today, I’m going to spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to frantically get done the work that I need to have done by tomorrow.  Hopefully, I’ll get it all done.  I’m not looking forward to doing it, that’s for sure.  Most of it is just smaller stuff, but I’ve got a ton of Greek homework to do.  A ton.  Oh well, that’s what I get.  Last week, life stuff got in the way of the school work, I had to worry about my insurance and my car, and my money situation, and a host of other things.  I’m not really excited about the volume of stuff left.  That’s the second time I’ve said that.  Let’s hope I don’t have to say it again.

This coming week is the last week before finals, so as many of you know, that is the week where the most stress is, even more than during exams…during exams, there is nothing to do but take the tests.  The projects and review sessions the week before the exams are a lot more stressful.   I’ll be busy.

It is quiet in my house right now, and that’s why I chose to write now, as opposed to when my roommate gets home, and he invariably turns on the TV until 11 tonight, when he goes to bed and I will regain my silence.  It’s not a big deal.  I just don’t always understand why the TV has to be on if we’re here.  I like the silence, it helps me concentrate.  And it’s peaceful.  I’m comfortable with the silence.  It pleases me.  Anyways.

I can feel the stress starting to get at me a little bit.  I can feel stress fractures on my psyche.  My soul is weary.  My heart is full.  My mind is going a thousand directions…and there is work to be done.  Luckily, my body, remarkably enough, is holding up.  I haven’t been sick really much at all this year.  I’m not sure if that’s a product of the dryer mountain air or what, but I’m certainly not going to complain.  I managed to escape this winter season without the 3 month cold I so frequently developed in Wisconsin.

My roommate and I are marrying a couple of friends this year, and we had a meeting with them yesterday to discuss what they wanted to include in the ceremony.  It was a fun meeting.  It’s cool to see friends choosing what they want their wedding to be like.   I think it is one of the perks of my job choice to be able to share that kind of happiness with people over the next years.  I’m honored that people want me involved in that important step in their lives.  It’s a humbling responsibility.  Quite amazing.

I read something today that I was pointed to by another diarist.  Apparently, a female who is an acquaintance of a diarist friend of mine wrote a rant toasting the nice guys who put up with some of the stuff that women do to them, especially in late high school and early college.  As I read it, I got the feeling that the person who wrote it has been around long enough to see it happen.  It’s funny though, no matter how many times I see a woman try to grapple with the issues implicit in being a nice guy and how that invariably wounds him a million times, they never seem to understand the emotional damage it does.  They understand the exterior signs, they know the amount of patience of the nice guy, they understand what the nice guy sacrifices, but they miss the emotional piece, to some extent.  It’s torture being a nice guy.  That’s why I gave it up.  I don’t really believe I’m a nice guy anymore.  The work that was done on me was well done.  But I do aspire to become one again some day, maybe sooner rather than later.  *shrugs*   I never cease to be amazed at how underestimated men are emotionally.  It’s not like we don’t have them people, we’ve just be told we have to hide them.  Don’t believe for a second that we can’t be hurt or that it doesn’t matter to us.  It does, we’re just not allowed to say so.  (I am notorious for breaking this rule, btw…)

I had a tough meeting on Friday with my mentors.  Very, very tough.  I had a question about an issue I was having and that I needed to do something about.  What ended up happening was that I got told flat that I’m naive if I think for a second that people care about theology because they genuinely want an answer or to be challenged to fix their theology so that it is right.  I’ve never thought of myself as naive.  As you all know, I pride myself on being a realist.  The only place I reserved any idealism at all was with the church, I figured the church should be better at certain things, if they’d been reading their Bibles.  As a realist, to be called naive was the worst affront I could think of.  Neither of my mentors meant any harm by it, quite the contrary.  But it’s kind of ruined my whole weekend.  I asked the question at the meeting, steeped in despair, “What am I doing this [studying to be a pastor] for then?”  What purpose will this serve, if I’m not allowed to ask questions that will make people think?  The answer was obvious…that it takes more than a question to get people to change their lives.  It takes a relationship, and time, and trust, and careful, sensitive asking of questions.  That doesn’t always suit me.  I want results now.  I’m willing to change at the drop of a hat, and I figure everyone else should do.  Clearly, it doesn’t work like that.  Still, it doesn’t feel good to have what you believe shown to you as being defective.  I’ll change my paradigm, I don’t have a choice.  Talk about an object lesson.  *shakes head*  Yikes.

We had a big shindig last night here, and a bunch of people were hanging out and stuff.  It was nice to see everyone, and it may well be the last time we hang out until after I get back this summer.  If that’s the case, we picked the right time to sit down and talk and hang out.  It was fun.  And it seemed like we all needed a break.  There were a lot of tired, emotionally spent people in this house last night.  It was good to be able to let down the hair a little bit and hang out with one another. 

Well, it’s been half an hour, and I need to get to work, or I’ll never make it back to Wisconsin, there will be so much work I’ll be buried under.  The digging out continues.  Have a good week, everyone.  I’m sure I’ll catch you throughout the week as I blow off some steam.  Blessings and whatnot.