Fundamental Changes?

I have been with my husband for 16 years. He hasn’t changed much but we have grown together for the most part. We had gotten into an argument recently where he expressed that me being stressed all the time was effecting him negatively. I get it, hanging out with someone who is stressed and anxious all the time can be taxing but I’m only stressed because I am in charge of everything in our household. Im  in charge of transporting our 13yr old daughter to and from friends houses, to and from practices and everything involving her life. I also have a full time job and take care of 100% of the household duties. I cook all meals including packing my husbands lunch, I clean the house, do all the laundry for everyone in the house, dishes, take care of pets, mop, sweep, do the grocery shopping and  just everything in general. He takes care of paying the bills from our joint bank acct. We had kind of fallen into this role a long time ago when we first got together because he made a lot more money then i did at my job and i was unable to contribute as much as he did money wise. Now after all these years I’m slipping and things are beginning to become too much for me. He can see that I’m stressed but he just tells me not to do the thing I’m stressing about. we argue because then i tell him that’s just going to make me stressed tomorrow when i have to do it and that putting things off isn’t going to ease my stress.

He thinks the solution to this is for me to just not do it and in reality that’s not how things work. We argued again about it, i told him I’m stressed because all of this is on my shoulders and he said i could always ask him for help.. in the past when i ask him for help he huffs and puffs and takes hours to come help me (because video games come first always) and id rather just suffer and do it on my own then have to deal with his attitude about it. i told him i need him to put more effort into our relationship but he says that’s just not him.

He says he will never just do things because he doesn’t think that way, he said he doesn’t like to celebrate holidays or birthdays or mothers day because those things should be celebrated every day and he doesn’t like that there’s a specific day “telling him what to do”.  Yes, I know i married him and i knew what he was like i just thought I could live with it but I find myself longing for a partner who really shows some effort. Someone who would buy me a thoughtful birthday present or did something just for me because they knew it would make me happy.

Is it possible for someone to make these types of fundamental changes?

I just don’t know.