::Vice

I do not recommend visiting Las Vegas by yourself. Unless you have enough money to treat yourself to Cirque du Soleil…. which I did.

Nonetheless, the night would have been better with someone to hold my hand on the way back to my room, and then do naughty things to me. Ah, well. Can’t have everything.

This jaw thing of mine has been ongoing. Yes, I have been in pain since the first week of May. It makes me embarrassed to gripe about it, really. I’ve had some time to think about it, and I know that I don’t know what Pain Really Is. I’ve never broken a bone, had a kidney stone, had a major surgery, or (obviously) given birth.

I read the blog of a man who is in constant agony from the ravages of cancer and its treatments.

My father lived in daily, mindbending pain for five years after his heart troubles.

Me? I’m upset about some cramped muscles in my head. Yes, really.

The dentist tells me it’s a TMJ reaction to suddenly having my wisdom teeth removed. At this point I would rather have kept them, rotting black or otherwise. The right side of my head has mostly cleared up — but the left side, ugh. From my temple all the way down to underneath my chin, muscles I didn’t even know I HAD are clenched like they’re afraid they will fall off, otherwise. Worse than the worst headache I’ve ever had. Not acute pain, but a constant throbbing interspersed with piercing stabs at the joint. Enough to wake me up in the middle of the night flinching, after I’ve rolled over and dug my chin into the pillow. That gets OLD after a couple weeks, lemmetellya.

Fortunately, the dentist prescribed this Kick Ass cream that I rub into my face. It’s some kind of muscle relaxer, and oh em gee does it work. Six hours of feeling like a normal human being. I’m trying not to think of what happens next week, when I run out.

I shaved my beard off so that I could rub the stuff into my cheeks and chin without getting it all soaked up in the hair. I wanted it to last until I was all healed up. Me and my naked chin.

And yeah, I healed up. Two days in a row of no cream, no painkillers, no real cramping – just a dull ache. Until…. let me digress.

Once upon a time, many moons ago, I had a female friend who I teased and badgered about her refusal to even sniff at giving oral sex, because of TMJ. I didn’t know quite what it was and didn’t have the sense to ask for an explanation.

Well, I found out why she took that stance. I gave some head the other night. She loved it! (insert salacious details here.)

And I woke up the next morning right back at square one, with my head wrenched up in a throbbing mess that was enough to move me to great, frustrated sobs. Fuck, fuckity fuck.

So, L, if you’re out there and still reading this, I owe you a great big apology. Seriously. You were right and I was wrong, and I am so sorry. …Do you have any advice on making this go away? At this point I am ready to drill holes in my head. I think I’d give up a testicle.

Because hey, I’m not going to go through life unable to give my woman some face. That’s a game breaker.

Anyway, all this crybaby nonsense is also my excuse for not writing more. Between the pain and, well, the painkillers, I have not been creative, interesting, or even very friendly of late.

And it’s about time for me to get up and move about the city.

List of topics for next time: (put here to remind myself)

– Upcoming trip to Orlando

– the joy of craps (casino, not sphincter)

– horniness (duh, summertime)

– writing

– work (maybe)