::Reintroduction, the Fourth

toplayalongathome:violentmoodswingsstabbingwestward

In which our Protagonist murmurs Sweet Nothings about his social undeath

Half circle. From a glorious madness akin to the floor of the NY Stock Exchange to a sudden, dusty desert.

The silence burns.

I am a social animal at heart. I love attention. Among friends, I am loud, boisterous, and (I am told) often vastly amusing. There was a time not long ago where I had an immense circle of friends. A double-handful of close, intimate friends, and dozens of people that I could call to hang out with. Friends all over town. Friends online. My voicemail was always full and I was never, ever bored. I felt loved.

That all changed when I started school, and now the silence burns.

I work and work and go to school and occasionally sleep. I get a few calls a week, mostly to check in and see if I’m alive. My social life is a withered undead husk compared to what it was.

I see four friends on a semi-regular basis — for a few hours on most Sundays. We watch football, we play games. Then they go home and I go back to work and try to forget about being social.

The remainder of my social life lies with my girl. And when she’s the only person I see all week? Well, I get a little clingy. Scratch that — very clingy. Things get strained. Without Sundays, she’d probably bludgeon me to death with a television set.

I am lonely. It’s one of the reasons I’m trying a little harder online. Words on a screen are not much, but they are better than living in a vacuum bottle. Trying to move the half circle forward, and get back to who I was.

…Fuck. That was depressing to write.