::Grilled Cheese

In which our hero learns that his erstwhile bar also comes with a grill.  …Har.  Anyhow, some of you had the balls(?) to actually ask.  So I make with the nattering. 

 

If you could be anything, what would you be?

Most of my first-line choices involve the supernatural.  I’d be an immortal, thunderslinging wizard who’s living undercover and saving the world on a weekly basis, with nobody the wiser to thank me for it.  Occasionally I get angry enough at the human race that I’d even settle for being one of the Beasts of the Apocalypse, slaying millions to reset the world back to the beginning.  Judging and disposing of those that are too busy watching Jersey Shore to look at the world around them.  Go, go, Godzilla.

I’d even like to be the next Messiah.  A hotline to $deity?  Yes, please.  Then I’d know there’s something after all this feverish, blurred flesh-mess, instead of click-hiss-static-nothing. 

Thinking in real-world terms, it’s too late for me to be a football player or a rock star.  But I’d like to be an honest-to-god novelist.  Books on the shelves at the big box store.  No other job but to tell you How It Ain’t.  Fanboys and fangirls and open doors in every city. 

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

I’m a chocoholic.  I tend to vacillate between the different ridiculously-chocolate flavors available when I go out to 31 Flavors.  Once in a while just to surprise myself I’ll go for cookie dough or mint-oreo or something odd like that.  But no fruity nonsense, please.  Pastel ice cream makes me wince.

What is the number one place you would like to visit?

I’ll just stick to Earthly places on this.  Otherwise I’m going to spend a few thousand words waxing rhapsodic about all the fucking fantasy I read.  For the record, though, I am not interested in living in Narnia.  But I hear they have some good drugs in Wonderland.

A few weeks soaking up Europe would be a dream come true.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be wealthy enough – or free enough – to do that, though.  I’ve never been outside of the country, but if there’s one thing the Internet has taught me, it’s that America is no longer the best of all things, all the time.  I’d like to see how some of the other folk do it, and Asia/Africa/SouthAmerica are a little too far outside of my comfort zone for the time being.  Give me the castles of the UK, Spain, and Germany.  The food of Germany, Italy and Greece.  The vistas of Switzerland and the Nordic countries.  And the women all over.  (Tee hee.)  I might be willing to skip France.

Honorable mentions:  Australia/New Zealand, anyplace tropical (Hawaii, the Caribbean, whathaveyou).

What is an example of a perfect night for you?

The kind of night that’s a thousand years long.  Walking off a buzz hand-in-hand with friends and a new crush, cuddling against the stone after sneaking into a park and nuzzling together against the nippy night breeze.  Ringing still in my ears from the profound, thunderous concert we were exposed to, the laser-lights still glittering in my eyes.  The rhythm still tapping in my bones as we split off and make illicit love in the dew.  A diner at 5am, giggling at everything, sober and sated in every way.  Stumbling up my front porch by the pink of dawn.  Knowing it was all worthwhile — so good that I can’t dream of anything better when I sluice myself in the shower and fall into bed.

Have you been to many concerts? Who and where and when?

Yes, yes I have.  I came of age just as grunge and alt-rock were going national.  Just after Kurt Cobain killed himself.  So I was out, trying to figure out what growing up meant, and attending a LOT of rock shows.   I have permanent hearing damage because I was too dumb to wear earplugs for the first year or so.  

A partial list in sorta-not-quite chronological order, starting circa 1995ish:

• Soul Asylum – this was my first live show, and the tickets were free.  It blew my mind to hear music that shook the ground, rattled my ribcage.  I was hooked.
• Bush (my first arena show — Veruca Salt opened)
• Rock festivals (so I don’t vouch for all these bands – I’ve just seen them):  Our Lady Peace, Spacehog, Seven Mary Three, Everclear, The Why Store, Bloodhound Gang, Buckcherry, Eve 6, Snoop Dogg (yes, really), Static-X, Powerman 5000, Limp Bizkit (awful), Creed (even worse), Sugar Ray (before they sold out), Disturbed, The Offspring, The Living End, Fuel, Prong, Staind, Shinedown … and a couple dozen local/minor-league bands that were never anything to anybody.
• Insane Clown Posse (don’t blame me, it was a birthday gift for a good friend)
• Live (Throwing Copper tour — damn, what a good show)
• Nine Inch Nails (three times)  — openers included Bauhaus and A Perfect Circle
• Gravity Kills (three times; once at a rock fest and twice at tiny, local clubs in my hometown, where I was close enough to slap five with the band during the show – notable opener was Pitchshifter)
• Garbage
• Ministry
• Stabbing Westward (three times)
• Depeche Mode
• Godsmack (almost a riot at this show, jesus)
• Korn, Linkin Park on one of their combo tours
• Skinny Puppy
• Crystal Method (the most recent show I’ve seen, at a local club — fantastic, was jamming till 3am)

In the interest of culture, I’ll also mention that I’ve seen the Broadway production of Phantom of the Opera, and three different Cirques du Soleil.

What do you do for a living?

Alas, nothing really worth bragging about.  But I’ll try:  I am the project lead for technical support on a very large digital education product for the largest publishing company in the world.  In practice, what that means is that I take e-mail from panicked professors and field reps, and fix their little ol’ problems.  Because I’m cool like that. 

It involves a lot of sitting in a cube and clicking and typing.  With occasional breaks to shake my fist, pull my hair, and make terse phone calls.  I do keep various messenger apps on at work, if any of you use AIM/GChat/etc.

What color&

nbsp; are your eyes?

My stock answer for years has been "gunmetal with flecks of gold."  But, what the fuck, let’s find out.  Pardon the glare, I was staring into a light to try and get something other than shadows, since I was doing this by candlelight until you asked.  Also, I’m not being tricksy — they ARE both the same color.

 

More questions answered later; the flesh is weak.  And if your nerve was weak or your reflexes slow, throw in your gauntlet and I’ll treat your questions just the same.  Though I might mock you a little for your tardiness.