::Crumbleground

toplayalongathome:enoughgravitykills

I suppose what all this angst comes from is the slow crumbling of my world. I feel like I’m sitting at a moonlit cafe, reading a schoolbook and sipping a watery Coke. The servers have long since gone home and the streets are empty. The streetlights are out.

There is a groaning noise, and the manholes sink into the asphalt, cracks radiating outward. Clouds of dust rise up and obscure the moon, and I’m still trying to make out the words. Buildings crumble and fall away into nothing; bottomless gaps yawn in the streets.

Soon it is just the cafe porch left on an island of rock jutting upward into the void. The wind has begun to blow and I have to clutch onto my book. My fingers are getting cold and I wonder if it will rain. Then my rock spire begins to slowly sway in the wind…

What I mean is that I don’t SEE anyone. I’ve given everything away for this pursuit of a “better me”. To get educated and maybe get ahead in life; to clamber back up financially to where I really should have been ten years ago.

I have four friends now that I see in the flesh — one day in 14. That isn’t enough for me. I have three family members, none of whom live within driving distance. That isn’t enough for me. I have a girl who is restless and discontent. That’s…. well, that’s frustrating. I have obligations by the dozens and only the promises of a bright future to keep me toiling.

It’s really quite a contrast to the old me. I never realized what a social flower I was. Even my online friendships have frayed away — a bare handful remain. I once had a healthy circle of OD buddies. All my old Favorites are gone and I’m fairly certain that I’m writing this in a relative vacuum. Who do I talk to about all of this? I want to reconnect and find a way to stay connected, to have time….