8/18/07
I will be closing this diary shortly for a few reasons. I have started a new one, if you care to continue reading let me know and I’ll add you to that diary. I enjoy typing, but have for quite a while found myself sensoring what I type here because of those that have the link. If I try not to worry about it and type my thoughts and feelings anyway, they end up upset. I don’t type for anyone else other then myself – so no reason for anyone I know to have the link. I enjoy reading a number of you here, as well as hearing from you, so have begun moving those favorites over.
My almost 11yo son has been gone since the end of June, was home for a few days, and was gone again. I pick him up tomorrow from the airport and look forward to finally having him home. I miss him, a lot. The second trip, he was up visiting my parents in Alaska. He’s a handful, and although my mom sounds like she’ll miss him a lot (he’s brilliant), I think my dad has reached his end. We have a lot to work through this next school year, it’s nice to have the thoughts of what my mom has seen and experienced and what may help give him what he needs to succeed. Parenthood is a continued challenge.
My two [surrogate] daughters are doing wonderful. The first one is creeping up to 5yo. It just amazes me how quickly time can go by. My second, Cassidy, just turned 3mo. I was online texting her mom yesterday and odd letters started coming through – – – she was banging on the keyboard "to say hello". Awww!! I love both of these families so much, and am so thankful for these two little girls but also being able to bring them to their families. August 10th was the one-year mark from when I contacted Cassidy’s parents (dear friends of mine) and offered to be their surrogate, and was sent the most precious thank you email – – – Aug. 31st we met up for insems, September 9th I held the + pregnancy test, and May 20th her mom delivered her with her own hands. How many lives can be changed one year with one little offer, the creation of a life, and a huge dream granted. Life, it’s bewildering.
FWB has turned out the be such a dear dear friend. I do believe people and opportunities come in and out of your life for reasons, and his entrance has brought many lessons and challenges. He’s a good man, and I’ve learned many things in many areas. There have definitely been humerous moment and, "I did not just do that!" LOL But I’ve also learned the importance of open talking of desires, what doesn’t work, understanding, patience, and acceptance.
Spirit, the blind horse – is now mine. I can’t believe that day came, I love that horse so much. My son is excited, as are my girls. The one thing right now I dream of doing with her is taking her to the ocean. Hopefully that will happen soon. There’s something very spiritual to me about the ocean, and to be there together with her would mean a lot.
I have retouched back in with a friend that I lost a while ago. We both definitely carry hurts with us based on what happened, and we both are just not talking about the past. I certainly appreciate that. It was been WONDERFUL to be riding with her again, as well as to be working with horses. I miss training horses, and have the time I give really mean something to the horse – for their progression to continue. I have a new project, and am having a blast working with him. I put his first ride on him on a trail that even I looked down the cliffs and at the rocks and agreed that I definitely must have a death scentance, lol. Actually, I wouldnt have gotten on him if I didn’t feel comfortable and atleast more-so safe then not. He was remarkable, as well as the second ride. He is going to be a quick learner.
(( I really need to start posting photos to go along with what I talk about, especially horses! ))
I have another area I started typing about but decided not to, deleted it, and figured I should just do so in the other diary. Ugh.