7/15/07

**eyes are twirling as I try to type this, please forgive any errors**

Some of the most peaceful things can be the simplest while at the same time the most difficult.  For me, at this time, it’s going back and letting the past go.  Rebuilding what can be there with past friends, and letting the past go without talking about it.  Why talk?  Rehash what has already been hurt? I suppose for some it’s important to talk, I have one dear friend who I could not NOT talk to her to work through what I was dealing with.  For others, it’s best to have just learned from the past and let it go.  Two people I had the hardest time with, once I am waiting to see what will end up.  This other person, I think we were so close that we caused eachother quite a bit of hurt at our end.  It took the direct and kindness of one wonderful lady to open the pathway for the two of us – we are talking again.

I saw her for the first time today since well over a year ago.  For quite a while we quietly visited (no talking) while we went about what we both were doing.  Tonight, I stopped by where she was sleeping and asked if she was up for visiting.  It wasn’t until the end that we actually -looked- at eachother, and continued looking while we talked.  I am sure it’ll be quite a bit of time before our guards begin to let down.  I never expect to be as close as we were before, but I am thankful that forgiveness has happened.  If I never spoke to her again, atleast that has been done on both of our sides.

School is going to have to wait, sadly 🙁  I have a nice large bill I have to pay off, and a few smaller ones, that are going to take my time for the next while.  Maybe next year.  I’ll get there thought, and know the pathway will open when the time is right.

BUT!  I am going to be starting on an equestrian drill team come September – yay!!!  That is where I am right now, camping with the group at their state competition.  I love this team, always have since we were introduced.  I have childcare covered for that one night a week.  I am soooo excited!!  I have two options for horses, one of the drill coaches horse (a youngster that needs to job, but liked to fly sideways) as well as a drill members horse.

Oh goodness, here I go falling asleep *yaaaawn*

For those that remember Spirit (horse), I will most likely end up adopting her sometime around October or so.  We’ll see.  The only reservation is where else my money needs to go to instead of a horse.  But, oh my goodness, does Spirit ever have my heart…..

Ok, I’m too tired, I’ll have to finish typing the entry in the morning