[day 152] I havent felt this empty in awhile..

I have not felt this empty in awhile.  So today I am at work and I get a phone call from the costumer. Obviously I am at work, so I was not able to answer my phone. I run to the back to check my voicemail and this is what it says "Courtney, this is gene, im sorry but keith did not cast you.  You did not get a role. He had to make some tough decisions and there was so much talent.  He has some scholarships available if you want to help backstage. Its 2 college credits.  Just let us know. Thanks"

Can i say NOOOOOOO any louder?  I have been looking forward to doing this show since december. Keith knew how much it meant to me to be casted. He knew. Instead, he didnt cast me.  Ive been doing his shows since 2002. I had what it took to be in this show. But since a lot of Gwens students she teaches voice too auditioned, i guess he felt like he had to cast them.  I was pissed. I was so livid after hearing that message.  I was so pissed i couldnt cry, i couldnt talk, i just couldnt.. Then i started thinking about it, and realized, that my feelings were hurt. Hurt because I was given the shaft.  My audition last night was awesome.  It was incredible. Everyone was clapping for me and telling me that i did a great job. But obviously it didnt matter because the Cinderella was already casted. 

The girl that got the part did have a great voice, but her stage presense is just blah. She totally doesnt look like a Cinderella to me, but im not the director so it doesnt matter. So ive decided that i have wrote the theater off. I am no longer doing theater….EVER! Im done.  This is the last time im going to cry over a part, or a show, or get stressed over it. Im done and its wrote off.  Of course i love it, and its my passion and hobby, but i cannot take this anymore.  I will never tryout for another one of keiths shows again.  I would of taken ANY part, but instead i got nothing. So. I am finished with it all. Finished with ALL community theater, and definatly the college theater. Im not playing this game anymore. So if i have to stop doing shows just to prove how DONE i am, then thats what has to happen.  I will just fill my time with something else, like, music, or working out..or just working.

David came and sat at the bar today and told me that he was really sorry. That he seroiusly thought i had a part…and everyone that looked at the cast list was like..OMG..courtney isnt on it? I got the complete shaft, and im done with it all. I have not been this hurt in a very long time…

-Court