She wants to fly…

She hasn’t even looked at this thing for a while…
Things that have changed,
City, Two dogs, roomate, Apartment.
Things that have stayed the same,
Jason… Yep, that’s pretty much it…
Giving this another try… Next year will be good. Right? She tells herself that life will be better, and writing everything down is thereputic for many reasons… One of which is looking back and remembering what it felt like to be that person… Sometimes she wonders how much different she is now… She has gotten over her delusions of the perfect marraige… That was a little neiive… But, things have settled into a nice complacency… So that’s good right? I mean, having expectations is normal, but can anyone really fulfill everything you want in a partner? (And just like that someone came to mind)…
Wow. Crap. Oh well, THAT would have never worked… For one reason? Same gender, which just DOESN’T happen for this girl… But dang… How awesome would that have been anyway?They were perfect for each other. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk five states away… She’s rambling now… Oh the thoughts that come when you start writing them all down…
Oh well, the new year will be better, and we will all be fine, and the roomate will make it into law school and be successful and have a great life and that will be good…
She doesn’t feel like she used to… She feels a lot less creative… Like, something has been lost in recent years… Like the world has hardened her to the art that surrounds her… What is that? What is missing? Maybe it is Jessi. Maybe that’s what is gone… She sent a message via FB… She cried…
The ties that bind her to people are suffocating… Nauseating… Sometimes she wants to just cut herself off from everyone and run away from it all… That would be so liberating… To feel freedom again… Nothing to hold on to, just to float… It’s a pipe dream… No one that she knows would ever understand it, and she would never survive the implications of such action… That’s what was nice about growing up in the sticks… You could just run off and no one knew where you were… No one really cared too much either… You could sit by the water and just contemplate your existance… Maybe that’s what’s missing…
Next year will be good…