Lost and found…

Wow. Open diary. It’s been a hot minute. Things are definitely changed in her world. Still married, three children, one dog. The more she reads about who she was the more things she realizes about herself. Trying to walk her 17 year old daughter (adopted) through the same hard places she went through is just crazy.

Her family is amazing. These little people that she somehow has the privledge of raising and watching grow into adults are fantastic. Jack is the engineer in the house. He can make more things with 12 legos than I could ever imagine. Henry is the best sidekick in the world. Seriously, if you need a helper, pick him. Andrea is the oldest but newest addition. Parenting her is very different and very the same all at the same time. 

She thinks coming back to write will help her sort out her emotions over motherhood. Parenting is terribly hard if you don’t already know, and adopting someone on the edge of adulthood is even harder than she anticipated.

Her life is good, but certain revelations about daddy issues and marraige woes are making her emotions go crazy. Oh yeah, and there’s the losses. 7 in fact. Why she can’t carry a baby to save her life is beyond her. She re-read an entry from way back in their first year of marraige and realized that was probably an early loss. She won’t add that to the count, but it still has an impact. Revelations of previous losses only make her natural born children more dear to her heart. They survived pregnancy. That’s more than their brothers and sisters have done.

She has cried so much recently that her prayers have turned into unintelligible groanings. She has been assured God knows what they mean. Maybe God will clue her in to what it all means since she is lost.

If you are back and you used to read what was written  here, add a note. Writing seems to be thereputic, however anonymity is still key.