..through fox’s eyes..i’ve been watching you..

in a few hours it will make a week that i’ve been smoke free..and 3 weeks since my situation with d has ended

where to begin..

let me rewind a visit back..

he met me halfway..it was his idea..and he still tried to flake in the end..wanted me to come to him instead last minute..at that time i started not giving a sh!t you could say..

he was running late..not that i was waiting..i went out to eat..sat enjoying the summer breeze..while a nervous stanger flirted with me..

10pm-ish he finally came..i had returned to my room perhaps 10 minutes before him..i didnt change into lingerie anticipating the sound of him entering.

i wont get into details..but the physical portion had some major YES moments..although we never did kiss

he spent the night with me..he did the one foot on the ground while sitting up and sleeping thing..

you should have just gone home d

fastforward to 3 weeks ago:

he was so fucking robotic..i serviced him..said he’d be back later..

returned in the middle of the night..eyes red rimmed..body language angry..fight w/his wife..she had found 2 yr old pictures of his ex in various stages of undress..i did the math in my head..which only made me pissed..i swallowed my anger…treated him to drinks..the entire time he had this brick wall between us..

something clicked in my head during that evening..i dont want to be his friend..that line was bullshit..i didnt want to hear about how he loves his wife and wants to save his marriage..i didnt bring a suitcase full of lingerie to sit and talk about what he can do to fix things with her..about how selfish he is for wanting to eat his cake too

i turned things around and it backfired on me…sure it made him shut up and touch me..and i’ve never felt so used and dirty..in a effed up way

he saw my face..he knew what i was going to say and drew it out of me

so i ended it..and meant it..didnt point any fingers..simply put, he cant have me if he wants her

i deleted all texts..and our private facebook page that contained our xrated pics

 

so the nonsmoking thing…part of it stems from the price of this last trip..and the fact that i was smoking a pack and a half a day

been chewing cinammon flavored nicorette..and my jaw is killing me..i start the patch tomorrow, need to give my mouth a rest

working like a donkey..13 hour days..got into a huge argument with a spaniard the other day..shit got real ugly

 

time to sleep..more later..