..swallow the seas to wash down all this pride..

http://www.youtube.com/watch

 

all of my "past relationships" seem follow the same sort of theme..with d..the undertones are matching..

although..with him..there’s a few elements that make it unique

i’ve let him in without realizing how deep..and it’s so hard to decipher the tangled seams..

 

there are things that i dont want to dig up..but played a major role in molding my sexuality

i am uncomfortable with sharing my feelings…hugs and kisses dont come naturally to me

somewhere deep within…i lock away pieces..hoard my emotions

 

cant only blame him for what went wrong between us..he’s actually the one that insisted on keeping contact

even after my tirade of insults throughout the years..never once did he dish it back to me

not sure why he always turned the other cheek

and why i allowed him to act so nonchalant when i knew deep down he wasn’t

 

stupid me..thought he’d "wake up"

i waited and now the chance is forever gone

all i have left are crumbs..and i feasted voraciously while beating myself up internally

 

but you know what..starting today..i make a vow to myself..no more grey areas..we are friends..the extra stuff is ancient history..no more cake eating so to speak..

if we are meant to be more..it will happen..but only if his "shit-uation" changes first