..Sufre más…

dream:

was somewhere tropical..on a cruise and i spotted d swimming up to me..i was surprised and confused..his mom and sis joined us and this was the first time we had met..he gestured to them and we commenced to chat like old friends..he shadowed me and we would randomly embrace and kiss, hidden..like he was testing to see if he still had control…as if  i could say no..

even in dreams im enthralled..

 

ripped off my nicotine patch..it was the last one in the pack..will try to quit again in a few days..just frustrated..need an outlet..

might have to cancel monday’s plans w/my cousin..im not very happy about that…i really do want to branch out..tired of keeping to myself

effing job..can never win

 

last year’s fling is back on tv..id like to bump into him again..i no longer have a reason to visit va, so why not rekindle dc?

 

my sad amazon wishlist..a collection of outfits that i had purchased for playtime with d…and items on hold for tentative trips..

like the cop outfit and  kick ass knee-high patent leather stiletto boots…kind of hard to casually introduce these things into a new relationship…hi, honey…by the way…i like to dress up..can we roleplay??

 

i miss how things had evolved with d….he got to know my mind first..he wooed me with words..my body later followed suit..my heart, his from the moment our eyes locked in.

fucking hurts..to lose your lover and best friend..

note to self: many baskets to distribute eggs..

 

lost…bitter…numb..but i’m strong, and you are not, my love..those pent up emotions are going to eventually erupt..

 

youtu.be/a4VrDy43bK4