..Quedare expuesto a los rayos del sol..

sitting on my bed, listening to an old battery powered mp3 player that i dug up during the hurricane..havent heard some of these songs in many years..

back to hurricane sandy..that was an interesting 5 days..we listened to fm radio on that thing like it was religion

ate chips and pretzels for dinner..played candlelight uno and dominoes nightly

and how we walked…the first day, to 28th and broadway..after that it was to battery park city to charge our devices, everyone camped out like nomads..clusters of folks sitting on the floor happy to be able to finally use their cell phones..

and back over the brooklyn bridge to eat hot food at the diner where they only know me by half of my face..my baseball cap covering the fact that makeup was a joke when i couldnt even take a bath at home..

and of course my job was closed…i go back tomorrow and im actually happy to do so..

 

still smokefree…stopped counting but its probably close to 4 weeks now? i dont know..will remain on the patch until 2013 perhaps..

 

sigh…d…yeah i might have unintentionally sabotaged our "shituation"…accidentally friend requested his wife on facebook…my stupid former phone does what it wants…of course he came lurking out of the shadows with questions in tow…and we both agreed that its best if we dont speak…indefinitely

 

im free..not dancing for joy just yet…but i can breathe..i dont have to dissect his rare sentences…and hold in my frustration when he pulls his famous disappearing act…i can be selfish now…i can work on fixing whats wrong with my heart

 

so i did the math..and it looks like i cannot afford to move out…for now…i will work it out..need a fresh start..

 

tried on an ivory blouse in banana republic..and all of a sudden i envisioned what i’d want to look like on my wedding day…the color was perfect..the blouse itself, crappy…but it got me thinking…dont i deserve a happy, healthy relationship? me, married is not that far fetched..

i just have to believe that im worthy..i just need time to heal and break these bullshit chains..

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch

**video sucks..just listen..