..i’m already fighting me..so what’s another one..

a few nights ago i had finally decided to let go…to not try to figure out his life by peeking at his online sites..i said my goodbyes in my heart and mind..i was ready this time

d, with his uncanny timing emailed me a couple of hours later…i woke up to two emails from him, oh and a vivid dream with his sister as well, my entire day felt upsidedown..it was absolutely terrible and wonderful in the same breath..

he was casual at first..jokey/jokey..and i was with my fists up high, ready to hit below the belt..

he apologized via circular paragraphs..at one point i was even rooting for him..hoping he’d said the right thing..the perfect singsong sentence that would make me forget..three little one syllable words that would have surely sent me running back to him..

for three days he steady kept at it..and it’s now been two days since i’ve last heard from him

i am proud of me a wee bit..i only slightly melted, but quickly regained my senses when i stopped to really read what he had written

almost as if he had watched too many friends w/benefits type movies (why did so many come out at the same time last year?? wtf) 

he began to list rules like "no serious talks face to face, let’s save those for long distance only"

he had already assumed that all was gravy between us..that his flowery running to nowhere words worked like a bandaid to heal my gaping wounds..in reality, his hot air was just skimming the pus..

one part of me hopes that he’s given up..this is too much work for a man merely seeking a d*ck s*ck, no?

and i’ve only just begun..

youtu.be/8UibsjY5K-c