another day (re)establishing a connection
I had a pretty regular day today, which generally involves me eating oats with dried fruit and nutrtional yeast and drinking home-made cold brew coffee sweetened with bone-char-free Sugar-in-the-RAW (which is already bone-char-free, I just wanted to let it be known why I use it instead of your run-of-the-mill table sugar).
I cleaned the kitchen like always and did my list of day-to-day stuff that I made with the bonus father a while back. It was a pretty regular day.
And I got to talk to Shannon on the phone again. We’ll start off over messenger and she’ll generally ask me, “phone?” or something like that and I’ll respond by saying, “YES, PLEASE!!! :D” and then I’ll wait and forget if she was going to the one calling me or what (she is) and then my phone will ring and I’ll pick it up and we’ll exchange greetings and then I’ll let her get whatever’s on her mind out because that seems to usually be why she wants to call.
I’ll listen and respond where appropriate and enjoy just exchanging words with her again and remember how much better I am at it all now than I was when we would first talk to each other all the way back in high school. Firstly she was always dating a friend of mine so I couldn’t be all like, “Uhhh…you’re adorable, and I don’t know what you see in these turkeys that I call my friends, but whatever, owwww my head” and I’d go back to trying not to vomit from the stressful pain that was actually a giant (even then it had to be big to make me uncomfortable enough all the time to need round-the-clock doping up from antihistamines) brain tumor. And she’d say things like, “I don’t know why Jake hasn’t asked me out,” to our mutual friends and I’d be all, “Uhhh…*hide-behind-my-long-hair-even-though-it’s-tied-back*” which was me laying my head down to sort of keep the back of my neck extended so the pressure came off a little bit from my brain stem, but also…scared that another person thought that way about an ogre like me.
Part of me wants to slap that Jake upside the head and tell him to get over himself, but really, if I had made any moves that would have gotten me anywhere with anybody back then I don’t think any of those relationships deserved to have been put through what I went through. And even though I can say that I wished I’d had somebody super-close to help me get through it all, I don’t think I feel that way because it was a genuinely difficult time not only for me but for everybody who was there for me, too. And I’d say that’s a pretty fair sentiment to have because I have had the experience of finding a relationship that had to go through all of that and it did NOT survive, so that’s an experiment whose data contributes to the narrative.
It’s just super-pleasant to have an entity in life like this, we’re both too old for games and we’re just enjoying talking to each other and we’re both excited about what our future(s) will bring. We’ve established (with a little guidance from my mom) that we won’t take any trips to see each other until next year, but thankfully that’s only eleven days away. Shannon’s already got a trip up here planned to see a family member in April (I think) and she wants to see me then, too, but I think it’s going to work out where I go down to visit her first (since she’s got a job and I still haven’t found anything suitable for my circumstances that’s keeping me from doing the first travelling). My point here is that we’re both eager to see each other, and that’s got to be a good thing.
Another cool thing about this kind of travelling is there is no visas to worry about or anything like that, it’s basically like taking the bus only it’s up in the air. I’m so excited to see how this is all going to keep working out.
It feels so much later than it is! It’s only 7:56 PM, but I could have sworn it was more like 11:56 PM. Yeah, I know, right?!
I can totally relate to your thoughts on timing in relationships. I’m currently dating another person who writes here. (We actually met because of OD… Were friends for a couple years and then fell for each other.) I often think that I wish I had met him when I was younger, so we had more time together … But then I think about how I was a piece of garbage through most of my younger years and would have sabotaged the relationship anyway… So I actually think we met at the right time.
Hope things continue to trend positively for you and Shannon.
Oh and homemade cold brew makes me happy in my fucking bones.
@thecriticsdarling I met my ex-wife on the previous iteration of this very website and we had a lot of good years (and made an amazing human together) but it seemed to be when the original version of OD bit the dust so did her motivation to keep in touch with “us” emotionally (plus I was getting sicker and sicker with a brain tumor so she “stepped out” to try and find solace in other mens’ arms). it was traumatic, but gave me the experience necessary to know that I’m really not into playing games with all of that and I’ve been thoroughly enjoying being so open and honest with Shannon.
thank you for your thoughtful note, I appreciate your good mojo.
*high-fives-like-whoa*
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