Never Go Back

 1:30 in the morning.

I went to class today… then took Falan to the doctor…. came home, watched Kitchen Nightmares, and tried to go to sleep but now I’m here. It’s been basically a month or so since I have wrote anything at all. There just hasn’t been much at all to write about, or that I wanted to write about.
I made a mess of things, and I’m trying to clean them up and mend the broken in any way possible. I’ve cut what I don’t need and kept what I want.

The highlight of my month, as lame as it may be, has been the new Evanescence album leaking a whole month early. Holy shit I was crazy that day. I called Brittany screaming and crying and it was just blissful. And when October 11th comes around, we are going to make our way to Hot Topic like the nerds we are, and buy the deluxe edition and it will be magical. Me and Brittany have been getting along really really well these past few months. The crazy intense bond we’ve always shared just seems to have somehow grown stronger, and we seem to trust each other on a whole new level with all of the dark secrets we need to share. Every morning it’s almost a guarantee that I will wake up to a text from her saying, hey how are you? what are you doing today? or something along those lines… it’s comforting in a way… our new thing is going to the mall and sitting in the food court talking for hours and walking in and out of every store continuing to talk the whole time. We just can’t shut up when we’re together. It’s impossible.
Anyways… I might be getting a lot of money soon, because the drug making people gave my dad the wrong medicine and it killed him. The drug people are like "yeah, those are the pills, that was us, oops, here’s some money" …. Soo now the lawyer dude has to do whatever lawyer dude’s do and we’ll see what plays out with all that. Something good has to happen though. With all of the bad luck and struggling, some sort of good karma has to come back around and pay off. Something. Anything. Please.
I changed my degree yet again. I know, I know, I can’t make up my mind. It’s still computer stuff, just a different field and is going to require me transferring to a school that is an hour and 40 minutes away. It looks awesome though and I’m excited for it. For now though it’s just shitty Jeff State every day of the week.
Finally, it’s almost October. I love October weather. All the scary shit they play on tv and all the isles in walmart dedicated to Halloween candy.
It rocks. It just does. However, my birthday being in 2 months, doesn’t rock. It feels like 2 days ago I was just turning 21 and now it’s up to 23. My twenties are slipping by and that’s gotta stop. It’s gonna stop. I’m gonna go to a way bigger school that’s far away from all that I know, and maybe hopefully, if anything financially good happens… maybe move back up closer to the area. Life will be awesome next year, it will. Nothing will hold me back.

Love,
Amy

"I won’t give up on you
I can feel you in my heart
Just show me the way
I don’t belong here
Alone

I can still see your face
Where it’s burned into my mind
I die every time I close my eyes
You’re always there

But I’m the one who’s drowning
Without your love
I am lost and I can never go back
I can never go back home"
-Ev