Despite it…

we all have problems. sometimes the little things bug you and sometimes they dont

ill start off with my weight issue. a couple of years ago, i decided to change my life, change the way i eat and exercise 4 to 5 times a week for an hour. i went 2 years and NO outcome. i was still a size 16 and 190lbs…what the hell? i got so depressed and couldnt figure out why. 2 fucking years of hardwork and im in great shape but i have no miracle results.

i slipped into this depressive state, bouncing back and forward from anorexia and binge eating. 2 years later to this day, i see my sister lost 60 pounds and my other sister lost 20…and they havent been doing anything…i mean what about me?

i gave up…i really dont know what else to do. ive done diet pills, the real healthy way to live and being active as hell. now im dealing with my knee popping in and out of place everytime i try to do just something. i walk and it pops out. ive seen a doctor and its just a strain…but i cant keep paying 45$ per physical therapy session. i dont have the type of insurance that will pay for a surgery to help me lose the weight

i just dont get it…why is it that i work my ass off trying to be healthy and it doesnt work? 2 fucking years!

so i usually stay home, depressed with the skinny boyfriend that eats all the time, then i catch myself eating with him and gain 10 lbs in a weekend while he doesnt gain a cent.

its no fair.

through the martial arts, weightlifting, belly dancing, exercising, etc…i still look and feel like a fat blob with the ass that nicki minaj wishes she had.

my job…i hate my job. i love butterz to death but he NEEDS to get a fucking job. you know for the past 4 YEARS ive been taking care of some boyfriend that didnt have a job and i never could pursue my own goals. what about me? why cant i get pampered like that huh? i wish someone would wipe my ass for once (figuratively of course).

no one in this town is hiring for my graphic design major. they all want 2 years experience…sorry cant get experience if theres no fucking job douchebags! 

karma! where are you? do you even exist? im getting really tired of this….

still no license, no car…ugh