Welcome To The Girlie-Man Club

What is it about kids that make people like them so much? I’m not talking about the love that parent’s have for their kids. What is it that makes most people look at a kid and care about them, to varying degrees, just because of the fact that they happen to be a child?

It’s possible that women, since females tend to think anything small is “cute,” like kids simply because of their size. Yet I think that there is something deeper to the fondness that people generally have for children.

Perhaps it’s because children are innocent until life and circumstances corrupt them and change them into adults. Perhaps it’s the fact that they can believe things so easily. Or maybe it’s that they are so easily amazed by some of the simplest things in life and many of the things that we take for granted appear to be amazing discoveries to kids.

There are two little girls that I have met once in my life, because some friends of mine occasionally baby-sit for them. I met Katie and Ansaya around a year ago and they’re two of the coolest kids I’ve ever met. When I go to my friend’s house for Thanksgiving this year, Katie and Ansaya are going to be at their house that weekend and so we’re gonna hang out. We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese and to see The Incredibles and stuff like that.

I was perusing through Border’s bookstore yesterday and wandered into the children’s section. Being as how it’s now a movie, they had copies of The Polar Express all over. I was in elementary school when that book originally came out, but I still remember it from back then. I remember how I thought the pictures, although they aren’t something that most kids would normally find fascinating and stare at for hours, were magical. I remember how much I wished that Santa was real (because I found out the truth when I was around five years old) and that the Polar Express was real. I wanted the story to be about me.

So, since I had such fond memories of the story from when I was little, I snagged a copy for Katie and Ansaya.

Thinking about when I first heard the story got me thinking quite a bit about how I was when I was little. Almost every picture that we have of me as a little kid has me smiling ear-to-ear. I remember how so many things captivated me and how life was one big mystery for me to explore and figure out.

One thing that came to me was how I used to care about people. I cared about my family and friends. When my grandpa died, I cried. When my best friend Kenny moved away, I was crushed. Although I don’t know how it worked, I think that caring about people actually made me happy. I’m pretty sure that’s what held off the depression that came later in my life.

Previously, I’ve written some entries about how fall is always a bad time for me. For years, fall has been the time when lots of things have gone wrong in my life and for years fall has been the most consistently depressing time in my life.

This year has been different.

It’s true my life IS a little different now than it previously was. I haven’t used drugs in 7 ½ years. On the 18th it will have been four months since I’ve had a drink. If all goes well, I’ll be closing on the first house that will be all mine on December 16th. I’ve got bills, but I’m getting them paid off. I’ve got a job that I like fairly well. Most importantly, I have people that I care about more than I could ever show or say.

Maybe John Lennon and The Beatles were right. Maybe it’s true that all you need is love. I don’t really know. All I know is that I’m very grateful that this fall has been much better than previous ones and I can’t express how thankful I am for the people in my life that I care about.

God, I sound like a complete wuss now. At least I’m a content one.

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“Well I want you to notice
To notice when I’m not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound
*
I want to hold you
Protect you from all of
The things I’ve already endured
And I want to show you
Show you all the things
That this life has in store for you
*
When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I’d be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone
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I want to hold you
Protect you from all of
The things I’ve already endured
And I want to show you
Show you all the things
That this life has in store for you.”
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Staind