Verge Of Tears And Razors

It’s kind of hard to describe how I feel right now. Sick? Worried? Depressed? Tired? Perhaps I’m a jumble of all of the above, plus a few more.

I wish I could get it out. I wish I could talk about it. I wish I could make it go away. The thing that sucks is that I can’t do any of that without breaking a promise that I never should have made.

I feel like someone who has spent their whole life building a house out of a deck of cards. After lots and lots of problems, it finally began taking shape and looking like something other than a mess.

In one way or another, all my hopes and dreams, everything and everyone that keeps me going and from taking myself out, are somehow attached to this house.

Today a door was opened and the wind is blowing in. Now I’m watching and waiting in horror to see if my house falls to the floor.

Just the thought of what might happen has me on the brink of tears and razors. If I had to, I don’t know if I could stop the possible events that I was told about today.

There are so many things I can’t change and so many things I can’t stop. I feel helpless and fragile and even a bit scared. I don’t know if there’s any way to undo any damage I’ve done.

I’m dangerous. I’m detrimental. I’m vulnerable. I’m sorry.

Maybe later I won’t have to be so vague and cryptic.

*
“I am not alone
I live with the memories, regret is my home
This is my true freedom
Express all the feelings of what I’ve become
I watch the rising sun

*
I hope I find some peace today
It seems I’ve gone away
It seems I’ve lost myself
It seems I’ve really lost my way
It seems I’ve lost myself
It’s seems I’ve…
*
Shed my skin
Are you ready for me?
Purge my love
Are you ready for me?
*
A bitter sinking feeling
Awake to the fact there is no going back
To the world in which I was living
I’m searching for something but found less than nothing
I watch the rising sun
*
I hope I find some peace today
It seems I’ve gone away
It seems I’ve lost myself
It seems I’ve really lost my way
It seems I’ve lost myself
It’s seems I’ve…”
*
Alter Bridge