Sand

Rest it seems is so far away

Nothing can keep the torment at bay

Life is a face as blank as a pout

All that’s inside never comes out

*

Clawing and scraping inside my skull

Crushing like waves beat at a hull

There is no respite, there is no reprieve

So I am defective and I can’t believe

*

Longing for hope or just something true

Just one thing I can cling to

Think that it’s there, right in my hand

Watch as it goes through my fingers like sand

*

Living but dead, dead but alive

Nothing to turn to, all has been tried

Sick of it all, words can’t express

Wish there was some way I could find rest

*

Writer’s block again. Go figure. I think I’m still kind of on the same page that I was on last night. I’m just so sick to death of everything and so bored with everything. One sort of funny thing is that right after writing about that I was paging through a book I have with excerpts from Kurt Cobain’s diaries, and he used to say the same thing all the time. Weird huh? (PS-he was the vocalist/guitarist for Nirvana that blew his brains out back in the ‘90’s)

No, I’m not saying I’m going to do that, I just think it’s weird that I read that right after I was thinking about it.

I dunno why it seems I have so many things tormenting me in my head. I dunno why I can’t be like everyone else and find ways to ignore life’s futility and at least not think about it enough to be happy in ignorance.

You know, some people actually TRY to get into the mindset where they can over-think things and pretend that they’re some sort of intellectual. Or they try to put a bit of a spin on that and then convince them and all their friends that they’re a philosopher.

All I know is that it totally sucks when you can’t turn your subconscious off. It totally sucks when no matter what you do, everything just sucks. It sucks not being able to be ignorant. It sucks being torn by having the different parts of who you are all trying to pull you in different directions.

Did I say “It sucks” enough times in the previous paragraph?

So yeah, the deal at the top was just something I quick jotted down cause it popped in my head just like all the rest of the crap that floats to the top of the gutter in my head.

*

“Hypochondriac prepare to end your pain

Take a look inside and ride the Nowhere Train

Come drain my rain away, insane today, my own oblivion

Cause I was born with a thousand dreams and I’m down to none.”

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