April 18, 2004

Rock Bottom

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So they say.

I used to hear that all the time from counselors, shrinks, and people trying to help me. The thing thats kind of funny about their little saying is that although it may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, it still IS a solution.

One thing Ive noticed about people who kill themselves is that they almost always wait until they hit rock bottom. They wait until theyve totally run out of options (or so it may seem to them). They wait until their lifetime allotment of hope has run dry. They wait until the torment of life outweighs their natural fear of death and wears down their self-preservation instinct.

The thing Im wondering is, why go through all that?

I think the ideal thing would be to die at the highest pinnacle of life. Die when things are as good as they can get. After all, you cant stay at the top forever, and once you reach the summit the only place to go is downhill. Why not end it all on an up-note?

Is it better for people to remember us as being ancient and fighting off time and illnesses and rotting away in a bed before finally giving in? Or for people to remember us as being unhappy and hopeless and finally getting the balls to take the final step? Or is it better for people to remember that we reached the high-point of our lives and possibly even achieved our dreams when we finally take our last breath?

Perhaps the problem is that we humans lack the ability to see when weve actually attained the best that life has in store for us. Perhaps even those of us that are most depressed still have a faint sliver of hope that somehow things will still improve before we kick it.

I really havent thought this out a whole lot because the idea kind of popped back in my head last night. I do wonder though

Its such a shame that it is this way
Im a junkie, God is gay
I hate to bleed but it heals my pain
Whatever man
Never
Never
Never
Never
*
Never me
They will fail to see
I will get so high that I trip with Jesus
Apathy
And a bitter me
I will fail to see that he walks among us.
*
The Union Underground

Scarlett Starlet

April 19, 2004

I miss chatting with you on MSN 🙁

It’s a bit Budhist, but how, considering how little we know of the ‘real world’, can we know when we’re at the top, or even when we’re doing well? These things are only revealed years later. Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. Peace,

BTW I agree with the die at the top theory, sort of like Marylin Monroe( yeah i know i spelled it wrong i suck) Everyone still loves her!

- Ravyn

I read this & the 1st thing that popped into my head was “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.”

oh yes! I kicked everyone ut for a while to rearrange entries, and forgot i had it on favs and then private and i am a genius and fixed it, my msn is mle4u@hotmail.com

~A Broken Angel~

The real solution wouldnt be killing yourself at all. You are a coward if you kill yourself because you cant handle reality. I’m praying for you. In Christs love and mine. Amber

Pre-Ex-Girlfriend

I guess I never really understood why people think killing themselves solves all their problems. Because it doesnt solves them, it just ends having to deal with them. It’s always confused me a bit. I love you jaimie jaimie joel

While I agree that when you’re at your best, there’s nowhere to go but down, but does that really make life not worth living? Maybe it’s easy for me to say that, having a daughter who depends on me, but I think everyone has someone they depend on… Is anyone completely and utterly alone in this world? No. Suicide is a selfish act, as far as I’m concerned. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought –

– about it, but I don’t think I would ever actually do it. I would hope you wouldn’t either! *points up* I didn’t mean to leave “while” in the beginning of my first note. I had to correct myself. Sorry. *kicks you in the leg* Haha.

It is true that when you hit that pinnacle, you can only go down. But as soon as you go down a *little* you can go right back up. Life doesn’t necessarily have one peak.

m0rbidm00n

i <3 the union underground

April 20, 2004

Life is more difficult than death.What fear would people have about death?The only fear I can think of is the after life,if they go to hell.But anyone who believes in God will know that he wouldnt want them to kill themselves in the first place.So I see them as the cowards.Life isnt easy,no one said it would be,but those who can hang on are the courageous ones.In Christs love and mine.Amber

aesthetical

all great observations…I think most of us dont really know when we’ve reached the top…we’re always hoping for something more…something better I’m not really sure…have to think on it some more take care *hugs*

Lorvaniel

Suicide is a great temptation, but it also fucks you over in the next life. You live this life until you get it right. Committing suicide only means you’ll start from the beginning and live all of that hell over again. Why bother? It may very get worse–but it’s just as likely it will get better.

.::.Face Down.::.

You know, if you live with the same problem your whole life, does that still make it temporary? hmmm. and yeah… suicide is definantly a solution. RYN: I’m glad you liked it… and if you were into the whole prince charming thing, I might have to worry about you.

ryn:it’s cool that u find diary land a part of “life” that u can be honest with

TheNameOfTheGame

Well, suicide doesn’t really end the problems. It just rids you of dealing with them. Besides, how can you tell when you’re on top? That can fluctuate from day to day…so yeah, I don’t know how to figure out if I’m on a mountain or at the bottom of the well. Anyhoot, I love ya Jaimie Joel. Love