Meaningless Meanderings

I don’t know what I can write about today. I spent all day thinking about my dream from yesterday night. I spent most of my day re-living the things I remember from my dream, yet can’t be real memories since the stuff never happened outside of my skull.

I still can’t get over how weird it was that it seemed so real, and how I still can remember so many things that happened that I can’t figure how it all got into a single dream.

There’s a huge part of me that wants to jump into the life I lived and never look back at all this stuff we call “real life.” I want to go back and live my life with “my” wife and be there to watch “my” little girl grow up.

I did spend a good part of my day trying to forget my dream. I know that it WAS just a dream. That one of the things that makes it a dream is that it was much more perfect than “real life” could ever hope to be.

I think that aside from being majorly whacked out by the whole thing, I’m back to normal. I’m still not planning on getting married, because…I’m just not. The idea of marriage (or romantic relationships) in “real” life don’t appeal to me at all.

And I honestly don’t think I’d make a very good dad.

I know I would totally take care of a kid if I had one. In fact, I’d probably be a model dad. I’d be there to spend time with the kid and read to them, and play around with them, and teach them stuff. But there are too many things that I don’t know about that I wouldn’t be able to answer about if my kid asked me. And I think that those are the most important questions since I still haven’t found anyone to answer them for me.

In a way it kind of feels like I’m being ripped in half because part of me wants to bad for the whole dream thing to become reality. Then the other part of me knows that it was just a dream and that real life will never be like that, and that I know better. Part of me is grateful for the whole “experience” (even if it was entirely imaginary). And another part of me is pissed for having it.

I dunno.

But then again, what DO I know?

“This body holding me isn’t eternal, all this pain is an illusion.” Tool

Pre-Ex-Girlfriend

December 23, 2002

I dunno what to say, it all slipped my mind. Dreams usually turn out perfect and thats what makes them a dream. We’d all like to live fairytale futures. Prince or princess charming should come into all our lives…but sometimes reality can be pretty good too! Anywayz, love ya!

I think reality is too painful and that’s why we have to hold on to our dreams.

TheNameOfTheGame

Aww I’m sorry! Sometimes it sucks to come back to reality. *hugs*

And don’t worry, I’m not going on strike!

take what you can from the dream. that’s the only advice i can give. like i said before i think you are trying to tell yourself something. and yes it is good to listen to yourself once and awhile. later babe…

You do know what they say don’t you? A dream is a wish your heart makes? When the right woman comes into your life you may change the way you feel about the whole wife and family thing. It takes finding the right person out there who is trying to find you. Take care of yourself and remember that you should never let go of your dreams…lots are said in them! Take care!!!

December 24, 2002

heya Jaimie Joel~~ RYN:Yeah I was really glad i didnt puke on stage, or on anybody. I think that would have been REALLY embarrassing if you know what I mean. I’d already seen the fast and the furious, I watched it at tessa’s house. I dont think I actually understood it, or maybe it was the intense headache I had, but I dont remember it that well. LoL Maybe I was delirious or something…

(cont) But anywhose, congrats on being the first post in that one entry. I’m so proud of you!~ ;o) I’m outtie for now, I have to do dishes. Wouldnt you know, I’m *taking it easy* today or thats what mom said after she said *clean the house* haha! *shakes her head* my mothers a nut! (I had a strange dream about her last night freakyweird) Welp, I’ll see you soon! Dont miss me to much! Luv Ya-

Opendiary is so stupid about only 400 characters…how can I limit my thoughts to only that many. Or eight hundred for that matter, I couldnt finish my note! I meant to say -Merry Christmas Jaimie Joel!- but it wouldnt let me, so I had to leave yet another note. And now I’m going to do dishes! Buh-bye Be safe and all that! ;o)

We haven’t talked in a long time. I was thinking about writing you an email but didn’t really feel like it and you never answer them anyways. I’ve been working like a wild woman lately, not to mention I’ve come down with bronchitis and a sinus infection and my ears are sore….LOL. I’m in great shape as you can tell. But enough about my complaining. How’ve you been? I’ve missed talking to you.

btw…this isn’t Christina, this is Lisa, I’m just using her diary….LOL. Anyways….let’s see what else is going on? I had to work with really crabby people yesterday. This one woman about went into fits because I put her toast on the same plate with her eggs and not on a seperate saucer. She told me *it doesn’t give me enough room to cut my eggs up* I wanted to dump them in her lap…LOL..

Seeing as how I’ve left so many notes I think I’ll go now. If you want to know anything else you’re just gonna have to catch me online! I’ll talk to you later Have a good day Lisa

tember

this happens to me on a semi-regular basis. i won’t want something, some life choice, but then i’ll dream about it and suddenly i am questioning myself all over the place. they say that dreams rarely ever actually have anything to do with the subject matter. so maybe your subconscience is just telling you to lay off the slurpees.