Love Colored Glasses

I.
In the beginning I was without form, and void
And darkness was upon the face of the deep
A wholly penetrating darkness
Sucking every ounce of light and life from my soul
Burning me, day and night, on the inside
Wrapped in swirling clouds of despair
I existed
And resisted
Every beat of my heart announced another moment of torment
The pain in my soul so pronounced it left physical scars
II.
Existence continued long after Hope departed
An empty shell replaced the smiling, wondering child
Cumbersome chains replaced
The loving arms of caring parents
Growing and dying at the same time
Looking through blind eyes
Internally imploding
Yet externally holding
Escape was the only way to cope
As dark eyes sought so earnestly to see
III.
Unexpecting and unaware a sudden burst of light
The skipped heartbeat offering a moment of reprieve
A glimmer of what seemed to be a dream
Yet it was as real as the blood on my shirt
Someone else was looking, someone else was finding
Like a shot of Novocain in the core
Numbing the pain
Freeing the brain
All that was dark, and ugly, and me
Slowly began to melt away with my façade
IV.
There You were, like the sun in my universe
Slowly warming and letting life flourish
Fighting the clouds and the gloom and slowly prevailing
Dead eyes began to sparkle as smiles became genuine
Hope was coming back in slivers
Small, but there nonetheless
Finally, something real
Now not afraid to feel
You gave me a gift beyond comprehension
Love-colored glasses through which to see the world
V.
The future is no longer an enemy to fear
Because the future holds both me and You
You’re the sunrise of my life
Giving me light and forcing my eyes open
You’re the blood in my veins
Constantly replenishing and bringing life
I’m born anew
And I have You
You’re my universe and in my heart
You’re why I’m alive
VI.
Next chapter waiting to be written.
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I suppose that’s kind of a vague, cryptic description of my life thus far. Anyone who has read this diary for a while can probably see (and if you haven’t read it, go back six months or more and read a few entries and then read the more current ones) that I’m not exactly the same as I was.

I remember at least a few times when I wrote entries about how love is overrated. I wrote about how it’s pointless and how it’s just a way for people to try and take their minds off of how futile and meaningless their lives are.

I think I was wrong.

Love is something that gives you a reason to live other than just for yourself. It gives you someone else to be concerned about. It takes your heart out of you and suddenly it’s living within someone else.

I’m sure I still have a ton to learn, but I finally have some people I care about more than anyone or anything. My heart is alive and beating 330-some miles away from my body right now.

Anyhow, hopefully I didn’t make anyone sick and I hope no one puked on their keyboards here. I know, this was a bit of a “girlie” entry. But then again…I’m becoming a bit of a wuss.

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“I’m going through changes…”
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Black Sabbath