I Love You

Going from being depressed, self-absorbed, and not caring about people to being content and having someone to care about more than myself within less than a year can really do a number on a guy’s insides. To go from trying to run from feelings because so many of the things I felt sucked so bad, to trying now to express them is a rather strange thing.

In fact, I’m not even really sure what I wanna write here. Part of me is happy because of how my life is turning out and because of the fact that I have someone to love, and part of me is constantly going crazy because they’re over 300 miles away. In a way it’s like having a huge spear through my chest that is constantly hurting, but me being glad that it’s there.

One of the strangest things that I’m finding out about real love is that it’s impossible to truly express. No words in any language are ever adequate or strong enough to let someone know how you feel for them when you truly love them. You can spend your entire life being with them, caring for them, sharing your life with them, and being there for them and still not have all of that be sufficient to prove your love.

Saying, “I love you” often seems futile to me since it is rather overused these days, and also is just so small. Saying, “I love you,” in reference to what I feel and what’s inside of me is like thinking that saying that the universe is “big” will be good enough to describe the size of the cosmos.

In a way, love makes me feel a bit small. Yet somehow this small man has something inside him which is bigger than even this dreamer’s imagination. Somewhere inside his finite body is an infinite amount of love, devotion, caring, concern, loyalty, and things like that.

I’m not sure where this is going, or how to say what it is that I’m feeling and thinking. All I really know is that of all the things I think about, the deepest and most frequent thoughts are reserved for you.

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“Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
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Wake me up when September ends.”
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Green Day