Crushing Me

“I feel the weight of the world and it’s crushing me.” The lines from the Stabbing Westward song seem to be getting more and more personal and familiar. Although there are certain things that are worse than others, it seems like every area of life is lined up to try and drive me to be the next whacko who dies in a shootout with cops (or something).

A good chunk of my life is controlled or regulated by the government, which I’m learning quickly to hate. I hate the fact that there is almost no aspect of my life that the government isn’t somehow involved in somehow. I seriously wish there was a way to start a new American Revolution and overthrow the government we have and start over the way the country was meant to be (I’ll probably be on all the government watch lists now for that one).

The few parts of my life that aren’t controlled, and thus fucked up, by the government are controlled and fucked up by me myself.

Money-wise, I think I’m pretty much on the verge of being rather fucked. That’s my fault because I spend money like a little bitch, always hoping for a lottery win or something to pay everything off.

That brings me to having to have a job that constantly pisses me off. I really can’t quit even if I wanted to because one, I have mucho bills to pay for, two, because driving a truck is pretty much the best paying job I can find since I barely scraped through high school, and three, because I’m not just looking out for myself any more.

You know, even George Bailey from It’s A Wonderful Life had it better than me since at least he was worth more dead than alive.

As far as being a boyfriend, I pretty much suck at that too. I wish I didn’t, but I do. I’m gone a lot for work. When I’m home I’m usually tired since I only get three or four hours of sleep while I’m on the road and I almost always fall asleep at the most inopportune times. I try to still go out and do fun stuff but it doesn’t happen much since I’m gone, poor, and just plain lame.

Maybe things will get better eventually. Then again, the way it usually works is things will seem to be getting better right before they go to shit again.

*
“I’m feeling the weight of the world
And it’s crushing me
I’m feeling the weight of everyday life
And it’s crushing me
How much more will it take?
How much more until it breaks me?
This world…is crushing me”
*
Stabbing Westward