9497 Days Alive
God, 26 years ago a new life broke through into your world.
The parents looked in awe as they gazed upon their firstborn son.
Their hearts and minds were filled with all the possibilities that were in store for their child.
Excited phone calls shot from the phone to the homes of relatives, eager to hear the news.
*
God, 23 years ago the life you gave was a little used, but still fairly new.
The parents loved and raised their son as best they could.
Their hearts and minds were filled with thoughts of how much their child was learning.
The relatives who at one time could only see him in their minds finally got a chance to see the tiny blessing.
*
God, 19 years ago the life you gave was expanding its mind.
The parents were proud that their son was able to know and remember so much about the Bible.
Their hearts and minds were filled with thoughts of what your plan had in store for him.
The relatives became only a source of presents on birthdays and Christmas.
*
God, 15 years ago the life you gave began to be enveloped by a thick, dark cloud.
The parents were oblivious to the fact that their son was slowly being poisoned by an unknown source.
Their hearts and minds were filled with thoughts of how talented their son was.
The relatives became distant memories and were complete strangers.
*
God, 11 years ago the life you gave began to hate who he was and who you are.
The parents had no clue of the internal struggle and tortured thoughts that were now a normal part of their child.
Their hearts and minds were filled with prayers for angels to watch over their boy and keep him safe.
The relatives began to walk down different paths from the parents, and tension grew between them.
*
God, 8 years ago the life you gave tried every escape possible and at times nearly gave up that gift that you implanted 18 years before.
The parents finally discovered all was not well, and tried everything they could to make their boy better.
Their hearts and minds were filled with worry and concern and hurt at who their boy had become.
The relatives couldnt believe it and had no idea how to help.
*
God, 4 years ago the life you gave decided to give that life back to you to live your way and follow your lead.
The parents were as happy as could be that their lost sheep had come back to the fold.
Their hearts and minds were filled with gratitude, thanks, and peace because they knew their son was better and happy again.
The relatives were a bit amazed at what happened, but said a little Thank God too.
*
God, 2 years ago the life you gave had given up trying to find you and stopped trying to understand your mysterious fucking ways.
The parents were hurt afresh as the wounds that had once healed were torn open again without warning.
Their hearts and minds were spinning as they tried to hold on to that last sliver of faith that you would save their boy.
The relatives were once again oblivious to all that was happening, which was for the best.
*
And now God, here it is today. 9497 days since you forced this life to be born. The life that you created and assumed that it would love you for it, now despises you for that act of creation. The life that you said that you loved is now embittered because you couldnt be found like you said you could be.
*****
I never asked to be here, so damn me if you must
And say that it was all my choice
Pretend that you are just
God of all creation, Father of all Lies
Watch the fruit of all your labor
As your little child dies.
Ó Jaimie Griner 2004
*****
In case you hadnt realized it yet, yes
today is my 26th birthday. I suppose I could go once again into all the reasons I hate birthdays, and how I think people shouldnt be able to conceive children
but fuck it.
Isnt it amazing how the life and the world can take a life that is so happy and free and somehow turn it into this thing that has now become me?
Unfortunately I have to be up at 4:00AM for work, so I cant properly grieve this little personal holiday (driving a semi when hung over really sucks). But, Ive got most of the weekend to do that so I suppose I can take a raincheck.