4/21/08

Tonight is a very dangerous night. The angry thoughts have returned. These thoughts are always aimed internally and plunder my sleep. How to change things? How get these demons away from me. Here I am in a step down position that seems to have me doubting. Bills to pay for the time being, but in the end, it is still nothing I want.

So where does this lead me but into the same broken record that I have been playing for the past 5 years. There are so many options out there within my grasp, but I have no balls to reach out and take them. Where did my daring courage go? Where did that ruthless self satisfaction disappear to? Where did I place my confidence?

I dreamed that I would end up in this quagmire of society. This leeching of others so that a company I work for will succeed. Dreams, they are there and they exist strongly with in me. The problem, as always is the execution. A desk does not suit my purpose as it seems to satisfy so many others.