Waiting for the Next Song

 

I never meant to be gone this long; I never meant to be gone at all, in fact. It just seems like the days tiptoed away from me, one after another, all piling in on top of one another, faster and faster until the year was almost gone.

I feel clumsy and awkward here, but here I am nonetheless, in an attempt to make the past several months/weeks/days make some semblance of sense. Or at least in some sort of order. I never dreamed that being retired could be so time-consuming! Someone asked me recently if I missed anything about work. "Only the patients," I told them. Only those wonderful and amazing people that I was so blessed to have in my life; the ones who made it worthwhile to get up every morning long before the sun was awake, and to make that hour-long commute into the hardest job I have ever had in my life. They were the reason I did it; they were my heroes. I miss the patients, and send them hugs and kisses in my prayers.

The deep and aching restlessness that I spoke of in my last entry led me to leave my church in September. I knew that’s what the restlessness was, and I knew that God was calling me apart, calling me to draw closer to Him and just sit at His feet for a time. Leaving the ladies class was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time. I have led that group of women for the past seven or more years, and I literally felt as if my heart was being torn out of my chest when I left them. We were all in tears, and I knew that I couldn’t explain the reasons to them, when I didn’t even understand it myself.

But I know the voice of my Lord, and I know that He has called me away for now. I don’t have to understand in order to obey. I don’t exactly know what lies ahead for me, but I know that I have to be obedient.  The ladies have kept in touch with me, and they continue to include me in their outings and activities; we are all such a part of one another’s lives, and I am so grateful for their support during this time in my own spiritual journey.

Me, Meredith, Sissy & Vicki on recent roadtrip

I am still working part time as Lydia’s nanny. She is almost 8 months old now, so loving and happy and bright. She is extremely active, and keeps me very busy on the days that I am with her. I have given her mom my notice; I will continue to work for her through the month of January, then will take a couple of weeks off in preparation for the arrival of my own darling grandbaby.  In the meantime, I pray that she can find someone who will take loving care of Lydia. I can hardly bear the thought of leaving her.

My beautiful, blue-eyed Lydia

Summer is doing well; she is still working full time on the night shift, and plans to continue until Emmarie is born. We learned a few weeks ago that the unrelenting nausea and upper abdominal pain she has been experiencing is due to a gallstone, most likely brought on by pregnancy.  Her surgeon plans to remove her gallbladder  a couple of weeks after Emmi is born; in the meantime Summer manages the pain and nausea as best she can. She is tougher than you would think, this beautiful girl of mine.

Emmarie’s nursery is ready, her closet is filled with beautiful clothes and her toy basket with wonderful little toys. We look forward to the spring, and to her arrival; this is one of the grandchildren that God showed me in a vision last year. I am anxious to look into her eyes, and see the confirmation of that vision there.

My beautiful Summer and me, on my 60th birthday!

Back in November, Chuck and I had to have our darling little Shih Tzu Maggie put to sleep. She was 7 1/2 years old, and had many health problems that we didn’t know about when we got her. Over the years, these problems had continued to worsen until her quality of life was affected. She was miserable, and we had exhausted every option our vet had offered. We had known for a while that the time was coming, but that didn’t make it any easier. Her absence left a big, gaping hole in our lives.

That hole has been filled by our newest addition, Bitsy Jo. We learned about her through a story in the local paper about a fire in a mobile home, where they discovered almost 100 dogs living.  About 50 of those dogs perished in the fire, but the ones who were rescued were placed for adoption by the Humane Society.  Bitsy Jo was one of the rescued fire dogs, and she lives with us now. She is still very timid and tender, but has come such a long way in such a short time. She has snuggled down into our hearts and has brought us much joy.

<span sty

le=”font-family: Comic Sans MS”>Me, Chuck and Bitsy Jo

And that brings me to tonight, here on this side of winter. Chuck and I have been snowed in for the past few days, after a record-breaking 10 inches of snow on Christmas Day. We are blessed to have electricity and heat, plenty of hot coffee,  and lots of long, quiet days in front of the fire. 

The view from my back door

I look forward to 2013, and whatever things await me there. I don’t know God’s plan for me, but I am never afraid. I only anticipate what adventures lie ahead of me; I anticipate what new things I will learn and what new roads I will travel. I place my hand firmly inside His hand, and place my feet inside the footprints He has left for me. He goes before me and behind me and I have nothing to fear.

Wondrous things lie ahead, my friends. I will watch for you there.