Music Through the Pain, Final Chapter

……..which brings me to the present.  I am home recuperating, and growing a little stronger every day. I wish I could say it has been easy, but that is far from true. There have been hard days, times when I have cried from pain and exhaustion. There have been hurdles to clear in this puzzle of resuming my life. It is still a learning curve, but I have come so far.

The ladies in my Sunday morning class have been wonderful. Every day for the first week and a half that I was home, one of them  brought supper to Chuck and me. Every evening, there would be a knock at the door and one of them would be standing there smiling, their hands filled with bowls and casserole dishes and pitchers of lemonade. I was beyond grateful for their labor of love. Even though it would be days before I was able to eat more than a few bites, my precious husband never had to worry about groceries or cooking supper. So to Vicki and Julie, Kathy and Carol and Meredith, thank you with all my heart. You have put hands and feet on the love you have for me, and I will forever be grateful for your thoughtfulness.

The teachers that Chuck works with have also been wonderful. They kept up with my progress and sent their wishes and prayers home through my husband. Two of them also sent dinner, and one sent a beautiful pie. So to Rita, Michelle and Vicki and all the rest, I say thank you so much. Thank you for supporting my overloaded husband by reaching out to the person he holds most dear. I am forever indebted.

My precious Sissy has been my mainstay. She has transported me where I needed to go, she has come by or called almost every day to check on me. She is the one who spent that terrible night in the hospital with me, when I begged God to take me home. I asked her yesterday if she knew that I was sick enough to die. She said, "I was holding on to you the entire time, and I was praying just as hard as you were. If He had taken you, He would have to take me too because  you weren’t going anywhere without me."

My beautiful daughter has been a treasure beyond words. She has driven me to the doctor, and held my hand while the nurse removed the dozens of staples from my tummy. She has taken me to her home and bedded me down on her couch with the remote, just for a change of scenery. During the early days she helped me up the stairs, and into and out of the shower, patiently drying me off and helping me dress. She has come every day without fail, and even twice a day the first week, to dress my incision and monitor it for healing. When all I could eat was macaroni, she made me a big bowlful and put in my refrigerator so I could warm it up anytime I was hungry. She has done my nails and taken my dog to the vet and brushed my hair and run my errands. She has lavished me with love, pure and simple. She has shown me in the language that she speaks so fluently, how much she loves me. I am so blessed.

I may never know why things happened they way they did; I may never understand why God did not heal me instantly. There were literally hundreds of people praying for my healing; I know that He could have healed me at any time, in the blink of an eye. But He chose to do things differently. I may never know in this lifetime why, but I have learned so many things through this experience. I know that He has sustained me day by day, and sometimes minute by minute. He never left me, He never abandoned me; He held me in His mighty hands the entire time, even as I begged Him to take me home.  I know that there are many ways He can heal, and sometimes He chooses to use physicians and surgery and modern medicine and time…… I am healing; it is a process.

I have learned that it takes more grace to receive from others than to give. Giving is so easy for me, but receiving from others is much harder. There was one night my friend Kathy came just to read to me and to rub my feet. I sat with tears running down my face, humbled beyond words; I am not accustomed to having others care for me, because I am the caregiver. God changed something inside me that night.

I have learned that no matter how much you know that people care, being shown how much they care can impact you forever. I have come through this experience changed in so many ways; something inside me has shifted, and I am not the same. I am better, I am stronger. I have been to the edge and I have returned, the same person as before but yet changed. 

And so I look forward to what lies ahead, just out of sight past the next curve in the road. I want to run toward it with arms outstretched, knowing that I can face whatever is there. And when my healing is complete, I will do just that.