Learning a New Song

The days here run together, one into the next, alike in their sameness; occasionally the monotony is broken by a brief excursion or a visitor. Most days I get up around 6:30, put on my athletic shoes and go outside for a walk, still in my pajamas. We live in a rural area outside the city, and the sight of a grown woman in pajamas and athletic shoes walking down the road doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.  The mornings are cool now, and the grass is littered with fallen yellow leaves. I have gradually increased the distance that I walk each day, and tomorrow will add hand-weights. I am trying hard to regain my strength and stamina.

After returning home each morning, I stick my finger and check my blood sugar. I was newly diagnosed with diabetes during this episode of illness, and was on insulin four times a day in the hospital. Now I am on oral medication, but my sugar continues to be higher than it should be. I am praying that it will continue to improve, as my diet improves and I become more active. It has been so difficult to find foods that appeal to me, as I continue to deal with nausea and other symptoms. Most of the time it is carbs that go down easiest, and those are really my enemy; however, each day is better than the one before and I am widening the circle of foods that I can successfully eat. I have lost more than 30 pounds through this ordeal; that is a good thing, but what a hard way to accomplish it.

Breakfast is next, then I start my morning chores. I can’t yet lift anything heavy but I can load and unload the dishwasher and keep the laundry done. I challenge myself to keep the house tidy and the daily chores done; it is good for my morale and also a good way to increase my strength.  I am blessed to have Charlotte, who does all the vacuuming and mopping, the dusting, and cleaning the bathrooms. I just keep things neat in between the times she comes.

Sissy usually joins me for lunch every day; she works only 2 miles away and almost always comes to spend her lunch hour with me.  I count this extra time with her as one of the blessings I have enjoyed while I’m recuperating.  Sometimes we sit on the front porch in the cool autumn day and enjoy the breeze until it’s time for her to return to work.  She is such an encouragement to me, and has been my constant supporter.

After lunch I watch TV or read or crochet or nap. Sometimes I get lonely, but there are always phone calls and texts from my friends and co workers to occupy my time.  In the late afternoon I take another walk, and push myself to try to go farther each time. By the time Chuck comes home from work, I am usually spent. I have managed to cook us a simple supper once or twice, but for the most part  my energy has been used. He doesn’t mind; he is quite comfortable in the kitchen and thinks nothing of cooking supper after working all day. He is my rock, and my best friend.

Summer took me back for my follow up visit with my surgeon today. I am five weeks post op now, and was scheduled to return to work next week. The thought of going back to work and trying to put in a ten hour day was beyond my comprehension. I get tired just climbing the stairs to take a shower and coming back down again. I could not imagine trying to work in the most demanding environment I have ever been in.

The surgeon checked my incision, and admired how well it had healed; he hadn’t seen it in three weeks. Summer admired it with him, as she was the one who dressed it twice a day for a week, then once a day until it was manageable for me. She showed him the two areas that had formed seromas that she had to open and drain, so it would heal properly; this would have ordinarily required another trip to the doctor, but she is fearless and hardly hurt me at all. Now it is healed to a point where two little bandaids are all it requires.

The doctor agreed that I should take two more weeks off work, and encouraged me to increase my protein intake. I told him I was trying, but there are so many protein foods that my body doesn’t want to tolerate. He continues to suggest protein drinks like Muscle Milk and Glucerna, but the thought of them make my stomach lurch and my toes curl up.

Meanwhile, my FMLA  paperwork has been amended and Tay will fax it to my employer for me tomorrow. My new date to return to work is October 11; I am so thankful for the extra time off and plan to work very hard to be ready. Every day is a challenge, but I am so much stronger and so much closer to where I need to be. I texted my supervisor and my friend Cheri and Dr. N to let them know. They were all very supportive. Dr N said, "Take as much time as you need; no one is going to take your job!" He is such a kind and gentle soul.

After my appointment Summer was hungry so we stopped at Chick Fila. I ordered a kids meal which was one lone chicken strip nestled in a cunning little box just its size. It was really quite tasty, and I ate it and a few waffle fries without any problem. On the way back to the car, I spied two ginkgo trees by the street and ran over to collect one of the golden fan-shaped leaves.  Right next door was Target, so we stopped there to pick up a few things. Summer offered to locate a wheelchair, or get me one of the motorized scooter carts but I needed the walk.  We spent an hour, walking from one end of the store to the other, then back again.  I was grateful as we loaded our purchases into the car and headed home; I was exhausted.

Such are my days now; quite a different scenario from six weeks ago, when I was zipping up and down the hallways, working ten and twelve hour days and burning the candle at both ends. I will get there again, perhaps with some modifications. My heavenly Father is using this time to slow me down, to allow me to rest and to heal. He is giving me time with my family, time to enjoy the cool autumn breezes and time to collect yellow ginkgo leaves. He draws me close to His warm beating heart and invites me to lay back agai

nst Him and just breathe. And so I do.